I have a confession to make. I, Terri Kavanaugh, was a scene kid in middle school. That probably doesn't shock a bunch of the readers, but here's proof nonetheless. Why did I make this super-cool style change from chubby cheeked kid to Hot Topic die-hard preteen? Because for the most part, I was alone. I didn't know how to express myself without scaring people off, and I was bullied a lot of my 7th grade year. It also helped that my cousin also got into the trend (and I will never forgive her for having a better side bang swish than me). But when I saw these..different..people on the internet who were celebrated for being weird and rejecting what was considered 'cool', I flocked to it. It was neat to be weird and dark, and I was living for it. Here's a side-by-side of 14 year old me and 20 year old (current) me.
Looking back, I see that this scene-persona I rocked in middle school was not only a shield, but also had some long lasting negative effects. If anything was remotely mainstream or popular, I rolled my eyes at it and opted for some 'better' more underground (and let's be real worse quality) version. Why did I hate the Jonas Brothers? Because the girl who sat in front of me in English dripping in Juicy Couture wouldn't shut up about Nick, so automatically I thought it inferior. I had never listened to a Jonas Brothers song until my senior year of high school. They weren't bad. I didn't allow myself to enjoy something that my classmates liked.
This rolled on over to high school. I found my group of people in the theatre department, and for the most part everything was great. But I still felt...apart from my friends, especially my girl friends. I was heavier than them all, so again as a defense mechanism, any time they talked about clothes or makeup, I rolled my eyes at it. It was so much easier for me to be 'one of the guys' and act like I was above it all because at least then I wasn't insecure but...I wasn't being myself. It wasn't until I started college that I finally began to explore and reimagine what I thought was 'cool'.
Flash forward to present day. One of the most important lessons I have learned in college is that you should never deny yourself something that makes you happy*. Hating something cheesy for the sake of it being cheesy doesn't earn you brownie points, it denies you of something that could potentially become a lifelong passion. It's fun to keep up with the Kardashians. It's also fun to geek out about Pokemon. As it turns out, I can like makeup and also be obsessed with Harry Potter, there's no dichotomy! Hell, I'm in a sorority now, something high school me would DIE at.
There is no one you need to impress. The only way for you to experience happy and healthy growth, is to be unapologetically yourself. Trust me, people will respect you more for that than anything.
Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta scour Kylie Jenner's social media to see when her next LipKit restock is happening.
*as long as it doesn't hurt others, pretty obvious
