No, Women Don't Owe Men Anything For Their Basic Respect

No, Women Don't Owe Men Anything For Their Basic Respect

It's called basic human decency, and you shouldn't be praised for it. Stop glorifying men.
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Nothing makes me more upset than seeing women sell themselves short. Within the past few years, the bar has been set disgustingly low in the ways that men are treating women. What I mean by that is, the younger generation of girls are making it abundantly clear that it doesn't take much for a guy to impress them. And their expectations for the way that men treat them are so low that sometimes they praise men for doing extremely mundane things.

Most of this takes place on social media. Think about all the times you've been scrolling through Twitter and you see a tweet that says something like "guys who hold the door open for you >>>" followed by one too many heart-eye emojis.

Oh, yes. People really do tweet things like this. They glorify men who do really simple things that any decent human should be held accountable to do. Things like this:

What?!?! What boys are you hanging out with that refuse to hold a door open for you, let alone hold a conversation? Shouldn't this just be a given?

Really? That is the reason you still have faith in humanity?

Or maybe they're just nice people? Stop praising this!

Yeah, the bar for men is really set so low that I could literally trip over it.

And we could sit here and chalk all of this up to a few people who don't know what politeness is. But a quick search on Twitter of the keywords "boys who hold the door for you" will show you that far too many girls have this mindset. But why?

Why is the bar set so low? Why have we been lowering it even further in recent years?

While I don't have the best answers for those questions, I can tell you why it's a problem. If boys, especially young boys, grow up around the mindset that they will be rewarded for showing women kindness and being polite, they are going to grow into some seriously entitled jerks. Women don't owe men anything for respecting them, and they certainly shouldn't expect to be praised for doing so.

We're not throwing you a party when you act like a decent human being.

It's an even bigger problem for young girls who are growing up in an environment where they are taught to lower their standards. We should be RAISING the bar and we should be able to RAISE our standards for men. We should not raise girls to accept the bare minimum, and instead, we should raise them to expect equal respect from everyone they encounter, if not more in romantic relationships, where low expectations can be hazardous.

Thankfully, one girl on Twitter actually gets it:


Girls should be allowed to want boys to treat them kindly without the fear of being called "high-maintenance." Girls should be allowed to want more out of a romantic relationship than the bare minimum of simple respect. Let's get it together here, ladies. We're better than that.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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37 Things Growing Up in the South Taught You

Where the tea is sweet, but the people are sweeter.
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1. The art of small talking.
2. The importance of calling your momma.
3. The beauty of sweet tea.
4. How to use the term “ma'am” or “sir” (that is, use it as much as possible).
5. Real flowers are way better than fake flowers.
6. Sometimes you only have two seasons instead of four.
7. Fried chicken is the best kind of chicken.
8. When it comes to food, always go for seconds.
9. It is better to overdress for Church than underdress.
10. Word travels fast.
11. Lake days are better than beach days.
12. Handwritten letters never go out of style.
13. If a man doesn’t open the door for you on the first date, dump him.
14. If a man won’t meet your family after four dates, dump him.
15. If your family doesn’t like your boyfriend, dump him.
16. Your occupation doesn’t matter as long as you're happy.
17. But you should always make sure you can support your family.
18. Rocking chairs are by far the best kind of chairs.
19. Cracker Barrel is more than a restaurant, it's a lifestyle.
20. Just 'cause you are from Florida and it is in the south does not make you Southern.
21. High School football is a big deal.
22. If you have a hair dresser for more than three years, never change. Trust her and only her.
23. The kids in your Sunday school class in third grade are also in your graduating class.
24. Makeup doesn’t work in the summer.
25. Laying out is a hobby.
26. Moms get more into high school drama than high schoolers.
27. Sororities are a family affair.
28. You never know how many adults you know 'til its time to get recommendation letters for rush.
29. SEC is the best, no question.
30. You can't go wrong buying a girl Kendra Scotts.
31. People will refer to you by your last name.
32. Biscuits and gravy are bae.
33. Sadie Robertson is a role model.
34. If it is game day you should be dressed nice.
35. If you pass by a child's lemonade stand you better buy lemonade from her. You're supporting capitalism.
36. You are never too old to go home for just a weekend… or just a meal.
37. You can’t imagine living anywhere but the South.



































Cover Image Credit: Grace Valentine

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So, Your Gender or Sexual Identity Has Changed, Now What?

Now... we breathe.

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LGBTQ+ people have it hard enough without the societal pressure of having a constant identity. For a lot of people, including LGBTQ+ folks, their gender and sexual identity don't change throughout their life and that's perfectly okay. Some people, like myself, experience shifts in our identities, and that's also perfectly okay. Our identities are nobody's but our own, and we are the only ones who are allowed to label ourselves and put a name to things.

I remember being younger and up in Mount Pleasant, Michigan, with my two best friends in the entire world. We were visiting one of their families and I had come out to these two friends months prior to this trip as pansexual, or the sexual attraction to any and all people, regardless of gender identity. It felt right, or so I thought it did. I had been holding it in for years, constantly calling myself pansexual (or sometimes bisexual, but that's a whole other conversation).

I came out to them because I felt like I owed it to myself to be honest with the two people I trusted more than anything. Of course, they were both incredibly supportive and we moved on with life.

Just months after coming out to those close to me, I learned about the term 'asexual' and the difference between romantic and sexual attraction. I remember laying on the floor with my best friends that night, ready to go to bed, and softly spoke, 'I think I might be asexual'.

It wasn't that I had never been pansexual and had only just learned the definition for asexual, per se, but it was more-so that I was acknowledging the fact that I once had been pansexual and that in that moment of my life, it was what fit the most. Between me coming out and that trip, something shifted in me. I don't know what it was, but it was hard to come to terms with on my own.

Now I am older, and I still struggle with those identities. As of right now, I choose not to think about it and simply just let myself... be.

There are people in my life who have experienced the same kind of situation. A close friend of mine, Brad LaPlante, a diehard music fan with a YouTube channel, has experienced shifts within his own sexuality. He and I, along with two other friends, had gone out to see the highly appraised film called, "Love, Simon". The movie focuses on the life of a gay teenager coming to terms with his own sexuality and the reactions of his family and peers when they find out. Brad had seen the movie multiple times before this and it was obvious just how much he related to the main protagonist, Simon.

In all the time I had known Brad, his sexuality had been bisexual. He was never shy about it and never tried to cover it up. Shortly after seeing "Love, Simon", Brad stopped replying to my messages. While there's nothing inherently wrong with that, it felt different this time; like he was trying to push people away to give himself space.

The day he messaged me back was the same day he came out to me as gay. Coming to the conclusion that his identity had changed took a toll on him that many people will never be able to understand.

Months later, he no longer identifies as gay. He got a lot of crap from a lot of different people for "changing" his identity and "lying" to people when that's not the case at all. He describes his sexuality as fluid, but his identity will never be enough for some people.

Right now, he is living his best life with people who love him and acknowledge that he is forever changing -- forever growing.

And that is what's happening to you, gentle reader. If you are experiencing an identity shift, there is nothing wrong with you. Whether it be with your gender or your sexuality, you are as valid as they come and you've got people to back you up. The fact that you once identified as something because that's who you were, does not invalidate your new identity being who you are now.

It's okay to say, "I was once gay, but now I'm bisexual. Me being gay doesn't change the fact that I'm bisexual and me being bisexual doesn't erase who I was when I was gay", or even "I once identified as a cis woman, and that identity was very important to me and my growth, but my gender identity shifted as I got older and now I identify as non-binary."

It's all okay. You owe nothing to anyone and your identity is not up for debate.

Now, it's time for you to embrace yourself and love your identities for what they are. It's time to live your life and love who you love.

Many of us are somewhere stuck in the middle, never knowing our own truth or calling ourselves by what we are. If you're staring at your computer screen, frantically searching definitions and trying to do some soul-searching, know this: it is better to not rush yourself, your own growth, or your own self-discovery. You are so young, gentle reader, and you've still got time.

Cover Image Credit:

Ehimetalor Unuabona // Unsplash

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