In today's society suicide is a very common topic to discuss rather in class or in individual personal time. A lot of people talk about what is usually the leading cause or reason as to why someone might take their life, but they never seem to talk about what it's like afterwards... especially a year later.
Over time things change, and so do people. People face depression, new chapters like marriage or kids, or even illness and weight loss. The changes are ones where when you are no longer around you'll miss. In this brief article I'm going to share my personal feelings on what it's like a year later without somebody in specific around.
On the day of my high school graduation, I lost a family member to suicide. I may never understand her reasons why, but I will never judge her as to why either. The morning seemed normal until the phone call. Now let me mind you, this member was a member through marriage and cousins, but she was still family. At first it was a lot to process. Then it set in... She was gone. My aunt was gone.
A year and a couple months later, I have seen a lot happen with what changed without her around. She isn't there to see or even baby sit or hug her grandson, she wasn't there for Christmas, she wasn't there at Easter. It was like this empty spot. Sure the other aunts talked about it at Christmas (and graduation), and how unfortunate it is to this day, but that's not a needed discussion. Honestly it's a struggle. There seems to be a piece missing rather it be from myself or from others, there is always something missing.
So to basically make sense of this all, once you're gone, there is going to be someone who sits awkwardly in a room you both once shared, there is going to be that person who doesn't want to talk about you because it hurts so much. There is going to be that person who even when they get married and old will continue to cry at night; but just know they will cry because they don't only miss you, but they wish they could have saved you.
There's a lot people don't discuss when it comes to the topic of suicide. The after effects from not just right after but a year or more after are going to be the same; just not as tough as they first were.
You were and still are loved, just push through whatever you face because the result in the end will be worth it, just like how you are worth it.
