Losing a loved one is never easy. The pain and sorrow you feel from their absence never really leaves. You find yourself holding on to the little things, the shelves of books they had cluttering their home, that old grandfather clock that you've never seen actually work or the random lists they left around the house so they wouldn't forget something. You hold on to the clutter and the junk because you're worried that if you throw it away, you'll be throwing away what little you have left of them. However, no matter how much you try to hold on, nothing will bring them back and sometimes the only way to follow their wishes is to move on with your life. No matter what you do, you'll always have the memories you've made with them, the songs you used to sing together and the photos you took in your goofy matching pajamas.
If I could say a few words to my loved ones lost, they would be:
Its been a few years now since I've lost you, since you disappeared into the unknown and left our world for a better place. I know that you're better now, that you're no longer suffering, but is it selfish of me to say I wish you were still here? I miss calling you on the phone with Dad in the car, checking to see how you were doing and to hear all about your day. I miss picking you up from the airport with my Mom, waiting for the day when I was old enough to pick you up all by myself. I miss having you come visit us, taking your bag and pulling out the newest treasures you picked up for us. I wish you were there sitting in the stands at my games when I played on the varsity volleyball team. I wish you were there when I walked across the stage to receive my high school diploma. I wish you were there when I started college, so I could call you and tell you all about my own sorority experience after years of hearing about yours. I wish you'd be there when I walk down the aisle one day, in my big white dress, wishing me luck, knowing I'll be okay.
Thinking back, I never got the chance to thank you, for always being there for me, letting me vent to you when I got angry with my parents or siblings, and being the first person to encourage me to try new things and go after my dreams. You spent time with me, focused all your attention on me, something I did not get much as a child of three. You would comfort me during thunderstorms, tell me stories of your adventurous travels and even teach me a little Spanish, a language you were only beginning to learn yourself.
Not a day goes by that I don't think of you, remembering all of the fun things we did together and remembering how much you meant to me. I hope that I can be half the inspiration you were. I still miss you.
