Dear ex,

I sat down to write you this letter with complete fear for what I might discover while I let the words flow out. But I think it's time I finally tell you the truth, I still love you. Yep it's true somehow some way I'm still crazy about you. And though it's been two years since you left, and though we've both moved on, I still think about you every single day. Every smile you brought to my face. Every tear you jerked from my eyes. Every laugh shared and amazing memory made. I carry them with me.

When I'm sad or afraid or feeling alone, I want to wrap myself up in your arms and be reminded of the comfort you brought me. It's strange though because so many times when I truly needed you, you weren't there. Why is it that now, even after all this time I still believe you could take all the pain away? Really, I don't care to know the answer to that question, I just want you to be the one I turn to for solace.

And boy do I miss you. I miss the way your hand felt in mine and the way you would kiss me. I miss lying in bed and talking nonsense with you for hours. I miss the feeling I'd get when we'd see each other for the first time in months. That moment when you would show up to my campus and my heart would explode with excitement. I miss jumping into your arms and the giddy feeling I would get when you finally arrived. I miss our late-night adventures and long drives. I miss putting on concerts in the car and singing at the top of our lungs. I miss building intricate forts together, so we could hide away inside our own little world. I miss the smell of your hair gel and cologne. So much so, that sometimes I'll be walking down a street or on campus and I could swear you're near. I would even say I miss the bickering we both endured if it meant that I could be with you again.

I remember our first kiss in the snow on our first date at the beach. I remember being so nervous and unsure of what to do but knowing that I wanted that night to last forever. I remember every day after that, staying up talking, to the point where I physically couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. I remember how cliché those first few months were. We were like something out of a movie, the kind of relationship you only see on tv, and everyone yearns to be.

But love is blind isn't it? I know that we weren't always perfect. That there were times where we caused each other unnecessary pain. Words that we each said and did hurtful things, but we didn't know any better. We were young and immature, and we tried our best to keep it together because that's how much we loved one another. And I'm sorry for every moment of chaos I created and every time that I got in the way of our happiness. Because if I knew then what I know now, I would have done it differently. But through all of that, you taught me what it means to be loved. That relationships take work and what it means to be a team.

I'm so glad that we've reconnected recently. To this day seeing your name light up my phone gives me butterflies. I remember so vividly the first time we spoke. Everything was so different then. Funny how a single dm on twitter turned into a three-year long relationship. I'll always regret how long it took me to finally agree to go on a date with you, because if I had done it sooner it would have meant that I would have had more time with you. I wish I could go back and pause time with you. I would relive those moments together over and over if I could.

I wrote this letter because I couldn't risk missing another chance with you. And though you won't be receiving this letter directly, maybe one day your stumble across these words. Then you'll know that there isn't a day that passes where I don't wish to be beside you again. I would give anything to wear your name on my lips again. I wrote this letter to tell you I miss you. I wrote this letter because I can't bear to go another day without you. I wrote this letter to tell you I love you. I love you today, ill love you tomorrow, forever, for always.