This article is something we should obviously know and practice already, but in conversations woman-to-woman recently, I’m not noticing many healthy ways of building women up. I’ve noticed more detrimental comments about each other between women. It’s absolutely heartbreaking. As a woman who belongs to a group (whose main platform is confidence), I regret to say that there are women I know and love that do nothing to build up other women in their lives.

Speaking from personal experience, I have been told that I “have too much food on [my] plate”, “don’t look flattering in those jeans/shirt because of [my] size”, “am not girly enough to belong in a sorority”, and “don’t have the [resources] to get a doctorate”. I have also been told to become a counselor because “it’s the largest field of women in psychology. All women become counselors.”

While these are all misogynistic excuses in our society, it absolutely kills me to have these said to my face. Even by other women.

I have struggled with weight and self esteem in the past and am currently working on coping with a mental illness. If you want to flatter me, you should probably say something that doesn’t involve breaking me down.

For ages, women have been forced to fight their way into being accepted as equals among men and (in many instances), we appear to still not be at the same level (funny because modern society, right?).

Not.

There are still women who live in an age where they believe it is acceptable to say these things to other women (aloud). In a society where self confidence resides in very few women, why are we continuing to demolish and discredit everything we have achieved in a society that seems to be so against the success of other women?

I have learned myself that I cannot depend on anyone. Some of my peers have come to believe that the only way to become a true woman is to find a man, become a mother, and stay in our dead end role as a historical woman figure. However, I fight this idea. This role may be fit for you or another woman, but just because it applies to you, it does not mean you should be applying your ideas to other women. Looking pretty isn't the only way I define myself. Eating like a bird isn't either.

Your emotions should not have to rest on the way a man (or any other romantic partner) treats you. Your emotional response should be molded to be increased when other women and people support you. You have to be confident in yourself before you can be confident and love someone else.

Why are we questioning the role of an average woman instead of supporting each individual woman’s choice?

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Try building another woman up, for a change.

No matter the circumstances, we should fill our vocabularies with “pretty”, “nice”, “sexy”, and “beautiful” for a change. Try complimenting someone on their hair, eyes, shirt, appearance, personality, etc. Focus more on who they are as a person, rather than how they appear to your ideas of the “ideal them.”

I am tired of the way women try to tell me to “eat healthier because you will lose baby weight”, “wow, you look so much skinnier!”, and “it’s surprising that someone like you doesn’t have a boyfriend yet (*rolls eyes*)”. I have my own image of me and I am proud to say that I finally don’t have to wear a mask in front of those I love.

You still have others who will try to force you to re-mask yourself.

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As a marginalized group, women as a whole need to realize that we have to band together to improve each other and praise our accomplishments: physical, emotional, and mental.

Confidence should be something that we instill in each other and create within our own actions.

If we continue to dismantle the personal and worldly contributions women have achieved, we will break down the modern society of women and revert to ourselves as mere property of others.