It’s a tricky concept to explain — standing on your own but not alone, that is. It’s a concept, however, that I’ve gotten to know very well. I used to think that it was an impossible thing — that one couldn’t possibly stand on their own and also keep the company that they’ve so comfortably surrounded themselves with. Due to my believing in this, I used to desperately cling to others in avoidance of facing life alone. And I did this in a way where you would have thought I was blind because of all the things I was missing out on in my own individual life while trying to be a part of others’ lives. But just like someone very special to me says rather often: “even a blind squirrel finds his nuts sometimes.” By that, I mean to say that I did eventually get the not-so-subtle hints that dependency just wasn’t working for me or for anyone else involved. But this realization did not come along with a smooth transition.

My wake-up call was not gentle. It was not short, and it was not something that I had planned nor wanted. However, it was just what I needed. Life has a funny way of messing with you like that though. It’ll throw a great deal of pain into your life only for it to end up being one of the best things to happen to you. My unexpected blessing was not only learning how to stand on my own, but also doing so consistently while respecting and accepting the lives of the people in my life without intervening. I learned that I can be an independent individual and still be in an involved relationship — romantic or not. I learned to trust in myself and my choices, therefore leading to an epic domino effect with placing my rightful, full trust in others. And what a joyful relief that has been! It has also been a major key in building and standing on my very own foundation- a foundation untouched by others. However, even though my foundation is singular, I can still stand beside others; and with even more strength. You see, I can do this because when I stripped away all of my straining attempts to latch and hang onto others’ foundations, I was damaging not only theirs, but mine as well. But now, I am able to steadily stand beside others instead of depending on them — all sides standing tall and secure.

Security is also something that I now am able to feel every day as I look back on how far I have come, and at all of the people who have supported me and stood by me through all of this learning — some more especially than others. It has been quite the journey, but it has certainly been a journey worthwhile.

I have been blessed with disaster, and therefore blessed with opportunity. I have lost, and I have learned. I have fallen, and I have gotten back up without ceasing. I have felt despair, and I have felt an entire newfound feeling of deep love not only for myself but for others. I’m able to see others in their own, undisrupted element as I am in my own. It all gives me an undeniable, and unmistakable appreciation for not only life in itself, but for the wonderful people I have surrounded myself with as well. By standing on my own, I have released myself from torturous anxiety and denial, and opened my mind, body and spirit up to the purest kinds of happiness, experience, and love. My heart is now full of the purest kinds of love and opportunity instead of insecurity and chaos. All because I was forced to let go and let be.

I am now standing on my own, but I am the farthest from alone that I have ever been.

And I'm still getting stronger every single day.

P.S. for that special someone who knows who they are:

Thank you. Here’s to you, to me, and to everything in between, around, above and below.