Driving is one thing that calms me down, I believe because it takes away all the pain or confusion I’m feeling and erases it and makes me think about what is around me. Such as the four lanes including the one I drive in. Two going back to Saint Louis and two others going opposite direction to Springfield. What hills I pass, what animals I see on the side of the road. But the time of this trip back to school it was dark. So, the number of things I could see were limited. Everything was its own shadow. During this drive when it started to rain, it was different. The sound, the lightning, the pattern. When I saw that first lightning strike hit, it seemed so close, so clear, like it was angry.

For the first time, I was terrified to drive, the fear that I was going to mess up. I’m the person that has a fear of messing up and doing something wrong, and an even bigger fear of admitting when I can’t do something. So, telling my mom that I would rather her drive was something I wasn’t going to admit. Instead I prayed that God would cover us and give me peace and strength to drive. By the time we got back to Springfield the water was rising, the fear intensifying and the rain became to hit down on the windshield harder. As I drive on the street I see a puddle. Bigger than i've seen but still looked drive-able. My mom tells me to go, even though I thought this was a bad idea. I did it anyways. Worst decision ever. As I feel like car shutting out from under me, I feel the water rising above me. My feet becoming too cold to bare. My clothes becoming soaked and my hips submerged in water. As I scream for help, the water rises, taking my anxiety with it. Never in my life have I've been so close to being submerged in my worst fear, drowning.

That moment changed me, even when something that couldn't possibly lead to my death made me fear the sound of a rain drop. That every time my car goes in a puddle my heart races to the point that I can;t breathe. From now on, the thought of driving in the rain no longer satisfies me the way it did.