Just when you thought engagement season was over, with university graduation season coming to a close that means round two is upon us.
It's one of those spurts in the years where everyone and their mother takes to Facebook to share the news of a new engagement. You feel like a grouch for raining on their parade but how can you help it when they're the ones posing in sickening sweet engagement shoot pics all over the internet for you to find them lounging on your couch in full messy bun and PJ attire.
When that happens, there is a process one goes through.
Here are the 9 stages of grief you experience when you see someone you vaguely know on Facebook:
Stage 1: Scrolling
There you are, Ben & Jerry's in hand, scrolling through Facebook after a long shift trying destress.
Stage 2: Recognition
You see a name you vaguely remember from high school pop up on your timeline, usually your ex. You briefly even wonder why you're still even on Facebook, let alone still friends with them, but curiosity gets the best of you anyway and you proceed with the post.
3. Initial Contact
And then you see it.
Stage 4. Denial
You stare at your phone and just cannot accept the reality. This person cannot be engaged before you—this person who put you through the ringer, or the person who back in high school you personally witnessed shotgun a 4Loko in your best friend's basement, or the person who barely made it through 10th-grade geometry.
This could not be happening.
Stage 5: Justifying
You start thinking of all the elaborate excuses that could possibly contribute to this earth-shattering discovery: unplanned pregnancy, the need for US citizenship, mail order partner, the works.
Stage 6: Jealously
Visions of all the Pinterest boards you have been curating since you were fifteen years old dance in your head. Now someone else is one step closer to the magnolia arrangement archways and handwritten dog of honor signs of your dreams.
Stage 7: Bargaining
You briefly consider all the options you could pursue to be in the same boat. See stage 5 for examples.
Stage 8: Acceptance
When all the subsidies, you realize you're sitting alone with a pint of ice cream being bitter about someone you vaguely know any more on Facebook who is just out living their best life.
Stage 9: Seeking help
You screenshot every single post and picture having to do with it and send it promptly in the group chat. If you're going to heal, a good over analyzation and gossip session about the situation is the only way.
In the end, you get over it between 3-5 business days. The initial sting hurts at first but you soon realize your time will come.
One thing for sure, if it was one of your girlfriends rather than a vague stranger than it would be a completely different story.