I’ve had my fair share of break ups. Actually, I think I’ve had more than I deserve. Every guy I’ve ever dated has dumped me. Break ups suck. They do. I won’t beat around the bush and say they aren’t. Being dumped by someone you had something really special with, you feel like it’s not going to happen again. But fear not, recently broken hearts there is hope. There is a higher power that has blessed us with incredible television programs to make us forget the drop kick to the heart we have received. This goddesses name is Shonda Rhimes. Creator of addicting television shows galore; Shonda and I have recently become close. Following my recent break up, I began watching "How to get Away with Murder." Don’t worry it’s not what you think … entirely. By watching her shows, I realized I am not lonely. Plenty of the women in Ms. Rhimes world have it far worse than I. These shows provided me with the comfort that I am in fact an independent woman who ‘don’t need no man’. Just like phases of falling in love with Shonda, I noticed the stages of my break up in her shows. They are as follows:
Phase 1: Surprise and heartache.
Probably the worst part of the break, you generally get blindsided either by the break up itself or the feelings that come with it. I wasn’t completely blindsided but that doesn’t mean I was ready for the emotions that took control of me. It was basically like PMS mixed with a cold: I felt gross, and no functioning human wanted to be in my presence for fear of my verbal decapitation of them.
Phase 2: Crying yourself to sleep.
Because the worst part of the day of the break up is knowing you will be going to bed that night and sleeping alone, in your own bed, in your own room. Commence the water works.
Phase 3: The morning after.
Your friends and your family tell you the best way to get over it is to look good and feel good … me? I prefer a liquid cure.
Phase 4: We’re not going to be friends.
Any relationship where the person who dumped me wanted to be friends has ended in one of two ways: 1) We become friends and they don’t treat you like a friend, because in their mind they think, oh we’re good now! Don’t need to worry about checking in. or 2) They move on and you are expected to be happy because you’re friends. Nah, man. As Shonda Rhimes is my queen and witness that will not be happening.
Phase 5: Speak the truth.
In my opinion, it has made me feel better to let the guy know if we can’t be together, he cannot have me in anyway. It’s a good move to go by, you deserve better because you are better. And doing this will make you feel better.
Phase 6: Regret.
You will play every detail out in your head and wonder if there was something you could have done differently. The fact of the matter is, you can’t change the past, but you can always wish you could. It's normal to regret what you've said and done. But it's important to know that it will be ok.
Phase 7: Move on.
After going through your whole relationship it’s time to realize you’re going to be OK. This is just a passing moment in time. You can take this time to focus on yourself … and make out with any face that is single and consensual.
Break ups are rough for anyone, but for the dumpee we tend to feel like everything is our fault even when it’s not. As long as Shonda Rhimes is around, preaching the truth and serving some justice with her shows, we will survive, thrive and find someone that deserves us. Thank you, Shonda, for making me learn to have faith and be glad my life is not written by you.
