St. Anger
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

St. Anger

A maelstrom of thoughts. Oh, and kudos to Metallica for coming up with the title before me.

St. Anger

Another year in the rear view mirror. Another one now visible in the windshield.

The most popular resolutions people make:

1: Losing weight.

2: Finding a special someone.

3: Kicking a bad habit.

All good intentions, no doubt - geared towards self actualization, an independent future relying on intelligent decisions made in the immediacy of life.

Let me ask you this, though.

Do you know what the road to hell is paved with??

That's right: Good Intentions.

The problem is not so much with the intent, as it is with the time intervals.

"I'll be different from tomorrow. I swear."

And time will swear that you will be the same. Because, at the end of the day, time is the true enemy here. Not your own laziness or indifference, but the needles spinning around on the clock face, the numbers slowly marking down another 24 hour cycle on your phone screen.


The real four letter word.

It takes three weeks to build a habit into your routine, and even then it's really tough to stick with it.

"I've been good for so long. Let me have this once. Please!"

A cheat day, meant as relief for the life you've spent cheating yourself?? Get over it.

Keep telling your silly, simpering self that, then. Let the lies feed your consumption of that vice, only to discover that ultimately it's consuming you. You're trying to cheat the scale, keep those pounds off, only to realize you're swindling your body out of good health.

Well done, sir/ma'am.

The second thing, then.

"I want someone."

Do you? Do you really? Agreed, happiness in matrimony and holding hands is basically the entire essence of why Hallmark, the card company, is still in business. Family is where life begins, and happiness endures. I get it.

But do you truly think, that you can find who you are in someone else? True connection with someone really is impossible - demons hide beneath our facades, ones we either do not wish to exorcise, or ones that are way too overpowering and force you to host them. You've got about a camel's chance in a needle's eye, or a candle's in a snowstorm, but for that flickering hope, people try. God bless those people. I for one am not one of them.

"You're such a dark person. Geez."

If by dark you mean painfully cognizant of hard truths this blunderful life has to offer, then yeah, I'm a dark person.

Third one's the harm, right?

Charm. I meant charm. Subconscious typographical error there.

The Inherent Vices of Good People.

No, Inherent Vices of Good People is not my suggestion for a title for a sequel to this brilliant movie.

One last hit, a final ritual of consumption of whatever substance you feel you need a significant amount of everyday. Doesn't matter if it's alcohol or nicotine, because there are indeed more sanitized temptations that yet fuel addictive behavior. Coffee, fast food, that one thing you like at a restaurant that you know, in your heart and your stomach, is too big, and quite unhealthy for you to eat, but you order it anyway because food is comfort. It's not a room with red candles, a syringe sucking up liquid from a spoon - it's a drive through order, the one you almost know by heart.

It really is the little things.

It's the coffee shop in a college campus, where you get the same drink everyday. It's walking past the gym, saying everyday 'I'll go there someday" and before you know it, there's no days left. Soon, there won't be any, but let's not contemplate the crushing, impending doom of the limitations of our mortality just yet.

Anger, is an all consuming thing. It envelopes the skin, seeps into the blood, and is the feeling you get when you ball your fists up hoping the nails will create incisions in the skin underneath your fingers and paint a crimson network over the lines in your hands.

It is containing a storm inside your head, primeval and unrelenting, with your skull and your innermost thoughts playing the role of the unblinking eye in the center.

It is wishing that the world went away forever, and a yearning for the macabre to be normal, while wanting to be an old-school romantic, as if from a Clark Gable movie. It is being caught in a duality - either lash outwards, or smash inwards.

I recommend smashing inwards. It is definitely the option that has less potential for creating a scene in public. Hate yourself with such vitriol, such invective that any insult or snide comment drips away as if you are coated in impervious, water-repellent fabric. As an emotion, it walks the line of fire in between absolute evil, and necessary evil.

I don't know where this is coming from, but I thought that if I wrote about it, someone, somewhere, may be able to relate to it. If there's one thing I pride myself on, it's being able to describe the indescribable.

Thank you for reading. Hopefully you find happiness and calm in your life - if not now, then eventually. As for me, however, let's put that down as a "work in progress".


Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

New England Summers Are The BEST Summers

Why you should spend your next summer in New England.

Marconi Beach

Three years ago, I chose to attend college in Philadelphia, approximately 360 miles away from my small town in New Hampshire. I have learned many valuable lessons away from home, and have thoroughly enjoyed my time spent in Pennsylvania. One thing that my experience has taught me, however, is that it is absolutely impossible to beat a New England summer.

Keep Reading...Show less

Fibonacci Sequence Examples: 7 Beautiful Instances In Nature

Nature is beautiful (and so is math). The last one will blow your mind.

illustration of the fibonacci sequence

Yes, the math major is doing a math-related post. What are the odds? I'll have to calculate it later. Many people have probably learned about the Fibonacci sequence in their high school math classes. However, I thought I would just refresh everyone's memories and show how math can be beautiful and apply to physical things everywhere around us with stunning examples.

Keep Reading...Show less
the beatles
Wikipedia Commons

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

Keep Reading...Show less
Being Invisible The Best Super Power

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

Keep Reading...Show less

19 Lessons I'll Never Forget from Growing Up In a Small Town

There have been many lessons learned.

houses under green sky
Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments