There is no easy way to start off an article like this. I usually write with humor, but this is no laughing matter. It's not an easy topic for me or many others to talk about, either. Maybe that's why it is such a huge issue among students on college campuses. Assault, whether it be physical, sexual, mental, etc... is a growing problem. It's time we face it.

I am going to share my story with you, but before I do so, I would like to get a few things off of my chest. First, to my attacker, do you even realize what you have done to me? Do you know what it feels like to walk out the door and fear seeing you? You broke me. You ruined my freshman year. You took advantage of me. I regret everything I didn't do to make it that you could never hurt another person again. Second, to the person who made me relive these events almost two years later, I wish you would have known the full story beforehand. Maybe if you did, you wouldn't put me through the same nightmare all over again. You are the exact reason victims fear speaking up in the first place.

The first semester my freshman year of college, I was assaulted by a boy who I thought liked me. I let him in, I trusted him. He was a part of my current friend group at the time. Why wouldn't I trust him? Why wouldn't it be okay to joke around with him? He was quite the jokester himself. I guess it's okay as long as he is the only one who is playing the joke, right? The biggest joke was on me for thinking he was your average "funny guy." The truth is, his jokes were rude and cruel. He had a great way of sneaking up on your feelings and making you feel pretty awful about yourself. I did not even realize at the time what he was doing to my confidence. His brutal honesty that I used to just laugh and shrug off left a dent in me. It wasn't until I tried to joke around that I realized what kind of person he really was.

I was just a freshman, so yes, I was a tad immature, but that in no way excuses what he did to me. I can still hear the intense banging at my door. I can see the rage in his eyes as he wrapped his hands around my neck. I couldn't breathe. Through the gasps and the screams, I finally made out the words "I can't breathe!" Thats when he threw me to the ground. I was in tears. My friend at the time was there to witness it and she told him that he needed to leave. This was all because I took a Snapchat of him making a funny face. I didn't understand why he was so enraged over a photo. I blamed myself.

I was young and naive at the time. I didn't go to campus security right away. I was scared. I wanted nothing more than to bury all of this away and never speak of it again. I was terrified of my parents finding out. I was embarrassed that something like this even happened to me. It wasn't until a semester later that the incident went to security, and by then, it was too late. I started to text him an ask him why he did it. Why would he do something like that to me? He ended up turning himself in. Probably out of fear that I would do it before him and he wouldn't be able to tell his side of the story. The security officer suggested that I tell my parents what happened, so that weekend I faced my biggest fear.

My biggest regret was not speaking up as soon as the assault happened. I wish every single day that he would be punished for his actions. I hate him. I fear him. Every time I see him on campus, I picture the face he had as his hands were around my neck. I hear the sound of his voice and I cringe. I live in fear of leaving my dorm room because we live in the same building and the sight of him makes me uncomfortable. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I am almost late to class because I see him and walk the complete opposite direction in which I have to go. When he walks into the dining hall I rush to finish my meal because I cannot bear to be that close to him. My stomach is in constant knots. I am vulnerable.

What he did to me is NOT okay. I wish I had handled the situation differently but it is too late for me to speak up now. I beg you to never make the mistake I did and live in silence. Speak up, please speak up. I know it is scary but you can do it. Don't let your attacker get away with what they have done. You are strong and you are not alone. I believe in you.