“I strive to be the man I hope you find.” These words seemed so silly in the moment, as if my dad could strive to be anything more than he already was to me. The countless times he told me he was proud of me, or the words of wisdom given after scolding me, nothing else has resonated with me more than that sentence. So I’m sorry boys if it seems my “play hard to get game” is impossible or I come off a little too often as not interested, it's just my Dad loved me first.
It is not impossible to gain my attention or interest, but just know that because of my dad I know exactly what I deserve and how I should be treated. My dad is so much more than my role model, he is more than my guiding hand; my dad is my first love. He was the first man to fall in love with me and love me in the purest form. He was the first man to give me his full attention and support me in all that I do in my life. I grew up watching my first love shake hands and look others in the eye, I watched him work hard every day to provide for me and give me the best life possible, and I watched him treat others with the love and respect. His tough guy attitude could fool anyone into believing he was a force to reckon with, but that same guy will care for anyone in gentle tenderness. He let me stand on his feet while we danced in the kitchen and would sing Justin Timberlake louder than me in the car. My first love did not love me in fear, his love did not restrict me from growing, and he did not depend on me nor did I depend on him. He taught me how to be my own person and to grow in my own strength and that is love in its purest form.
My dad was my first love, therefore he set the bar. He raised me to be whole all in myself, and his love showed me that I am worthy of the deepest love. I cannot settle into any type of love, I have no need. I have witnessed and received unconditional love therefore I am equipped with the patience to wait until I find that same love in my future significant other. For that, I am eternally grateful. If it were not for my first love to illustrate that true love exists, I would not know what man to look for in my life. I am not sorry that my standards are high, I know that when the right one finally does comes along I will know in my entirety that I found a true man. My dad set the bar and I never thank him enough for it. His love guided me to be my own individual before being anyone else’s and how to measure a true character of a man. Forever I will hold the words, “I strive to be the man I hope you find,” while I strive to find a man that will love me the way my dad does.
