"'The Blair Witch Project'?" my friend's gag reflex prevents him from saying. "That movie SUCKS!"

We're at his house playing video games or shredding Chinese currency or whatever bored kids do, and I feel a glimmer of hope. Last week I reviewed "Spy Kids", and in search of a mockable and desperate kids' film, I found a mockable and desperate kids' film that I somewhat enjoyed. But something told me "The Blair Witch Project" wouldn't let me down in giving me a movie worse than downing Kevin James's leftover bathwater.

Because when it comes to horror films, they just don't work for me. I've seen so many scary movies and am so familiar with the concept of them being what they are that they all come across as overdramatic and predictable. I can't begin watching a horror film about a nice family and expect them not to be terrorized, so to me they're automatically just target practice for the spooky skeletons to get off their asses and attend to. It doesn't help that they end up being formulaic and lazier than a fat cat who keeps begging you for a straw since it doesn't want to move its jaws to eat. They're all about some kids with death wishes going out into the woods, lighting wildfires and leaving behind a trail of all of their supplies and survival gear that spells out "Kill Us!" Either that or a pack of non-believers suddenly being killed and jump-scared into becoming yes-believers. So let's review the film about non-believing kids going into the woods with the sole mission of seeking out the scary ghosts that completely revolutionized the horror genre!

After seeing it, I've come to think of myself as a baby King Midas who only wanted to know what his crap tasted like. Yes, spoiler alert: "The Blair Witch Project" is good, in fact it's the best horror movie I've ever seen. For one, everything just feels grounded and more natural. Clothes don't fly off like fireworks on the fourth of July and the kiddies don't run off to the haunted wood to get eaten, they go to finish their film project, and they have a reason to be there. They're curious, like the audience itself as to why they've decided to watch someone's home videos with all the interesting bits cut out. And I'm not kidding, the film takes its sweet time before it gets going, doing all it can to fill those mandatory eighty-one minutes.

But when the film finally starts up for realsies, I didn't know how to react to everything going on. And that's the film's biggest strength; with no music to go "boom" and no closets for things to jump out of, you don't know WHEN to be scared. The offbeat timing (likely just a result of a crew member checking his pager and forgetting to yell "boo!" at the right time) gives it unpredictability and keeps you on the edge of your toile–uh, seat.

Of course, the inherent flaw with the found-footage films is the "Why in Cinderella's wicked stepmother's left nostril would those people still be holding that camera?" question, and this time it's answered with the actors going "Uh... coping mechanism?" While it's a flimsy excuse, it does make sense, and the actors do a good job of conveying the hyperventilating desperation and exhaustion of someone who can't think of any jokes for this par–I mean someone stranded in the woods through the whole thing.

All in all, "The Blair Witch Project" scared my pants off like waking up to a shirtless Channing Tatum about to set my room on fire. I can't really call it smart, the producers just threw the actors a camera and left bloody treats outside their door like a cat trying to apologize. But I can call it innovative and immersive, one of the few films including "Exorcist" and "Omen" to prefer building dread over loud shrieks and sudden smiling faces. Some might take issue with the ending, but if you pay attention at the beginning mayBE YOU COULD UNDERSTAND IT MORE, YOU INATTENTIVE DICKS, THESE PEOPLE WORKED VERY HARD T–*ahem*. Plus the film's dropping of the mic, erm, camera, makes it feel authentic to the found footage genre it inspired, before future (let's be honest) knock-offs turned their back on realism and common sense. *Winks* *high-fives self* *misses*

Quality: 4.5 / 5

My Rating: 4.5 / 5

Overall Rating: 9 / 10