Please don't misunderstand me when I look at you with doubting eyes, when I ask you if you really do care about me, when I apologize for anything and everything. Please, try to not take it personally, when I ask you if you really do want me tagging along with you, if you really do want to spend time with me. Please don't take it personally when I overreact nearly every time you don't seem totally happy to see me, or when you chose to spend a lot of time with some other friend and not me. Please know, that chances are high, that you haven't done anything wrong, that you haven't done or said anything unkind and that I'm not reacting because of anything you did or didn't do, though it may look so. Please know, that you could be as close to perfect as a human friend could be, and I'd still doubt you sometimes, I'd still be fighting this battle of insecurity and self-doubt, and I'd still wonder at times, if you or any of my friends, really do love me. You see, I'm wounded, just like every other human on this crying, broken planet is, but you need to know, that I'm not wounded because of you. Many times in years past, my secure world, and my confidence in my self-worth, have been shattered into pieces by people that I had trusted and loved. Because of these experiences, I began to believe that I was weak, annoying, unlovable, unwanted and that I was never going to be able to have the close, long lasting friendships that I craved. I got into an unhealthy cycle of letting people trample on me with steel-toed boots. I became easy prey to anyone who chose to treat me inconsistently and insensitively, and I never was able to defend myself. I was never able to stop the verbal or emotional abuse. The thing was, the people who treated me badly, weren't always unkind. Sometimes they talked and acted very nice. Sometimes they told me they loved me and valued me. But then they would suddenly change. They'd switch completely and tell me, or show me that I wasn't wanted, or that I was unimportant and unnoticed. I began to doubt the sincerity of almost everyone. I began to have painful and immobilizing fears that I really was worthless, unwanted and unloved. I began to believe that any friend who told me that they loved me, enjoyed me and wanted me to feel free to come to them anytime, was lying. I began to have terrible fears that the people who acted like they were my friends, were only doing that out of pity for me, that they felt sorry for me because I was so lonely and weak and had so many problems. I lost nearly all the confidence and self-love that I'd had as a child. Thanks to God, and to some amazing people who've come into my life, I am now starting to recover some of the self-worth and security that I used to have, but I have a long, long way to go to be whole again, to be healed and secure. I still battle daily with the monsters of insecurity and self-doubt, I still apologize way too often, and over explain everything I do and say, because I am terrified that I may be misunderstood. So if you are one of those friends who have stuck with me, who've been consistent and have tried to help me heal, I am grateful to you beyond words and I'm sorry when I doubt you. You don't deserve it.