Since I was little, I’ve held many aspirations. At one point, I wanted to be a teacher; then I wanted to be a veterinarian; then I wanted to be an animator; as of now, I’ve settled on traversing the long, difficult road to medical school to become a cardiologist.

But even as I load up on science and social sciences classes, I’m still being nagged by the lingering taste of hesitancy with a slight hint of dissatisfaction. It’s a recipe for disaster, and I’m not even done with my first semester in college.

I love science. I love biology. I love the heart and cardiology. I love the problem-solving aspect that comes with being a doctor, and I love the availability of jobs and the salary that comes with being one.

However, indecision still haunts me. I had a hard time choosing a major that I feel would best prepare me if I do or don’t get to med school. I’ve already switched from a chemistry major to a biology major. Meanwhile, I’m facing seven more semesters of loading up on tough science coursework, along with the necessary social sciences courses.

I was also thinking of switching out of a STEM major and into an Arts major. For the longest time, I thought of switching into Mass Communications because, well, I like journalism. It’s an exciting and intense field. All the journalism classes I took in high school influenced my current style of writing, and I’m still writing outside of high school because I enjoy it so much.

I often still wish I could pursue a career in journalism instead. So, what’s holding me back? Why don’t I just switch?

That’s always been a tough question for me to answer, because it usually changes each time. Typically, my main answer is salary; other responses include job security, that I really enjoy biology and cardiology, and that my parents would not be so happy to hear that their capable daughter went from a science field to an English field.

However, there’s a hidden notion terror behind those answers. Truth is, I’m afraid of not being able to support myself in the future. I’m afraid of not making money and having to live paycheck to paycheck. If I have a job, I don’t want to lose it. I want to be respected in my job and not be trodden on by sexism in the workplace or the glass ceiling. I want some type of power, some type of prestige to put next to my name, and M.D. is an alluring title.

I really love cardiology and the responsibilities of being a doctor, and I would love the challenge of medical school, but it saddens me when I remember where some of my motivation comes from.

Surely, I’m not the only one with a problem choosing a career, and that makes me feel a little better. I know that there’s some path I’d rather be on instead of the one I’m currently on. It’s a tough decision, but I have to make a sacrifice. I enjoy both, but they’re two opposites of a spectrum.

Right now, medical school is still the ultimate goal; but I’m going to bridge my interests by declaring a minor in Mass Communications. Surely, I can find a way to combine the two, and I can always fall back on my minor if things don’t work out; however, there’s no doubt that a lingering sense of regret might stay with me in the next several semesters.