“Okay, so start by taking a deep breath, hold it in, and then exhale. Feeling better? Not quite? Okay, another breath. That’s right, now close your eyes and think of a happy place. No, you’re okay, just keep focusing. Honey, you’re breathing too fast. You’re going to hyperventilate. It’s okay, baby.”
Those last few lines were from just a few nights ago when I had yet another anxiety attack. The shortness of breath, sudden dizziness and quick panic are all too familiar to me as I write these words. The National Institute of Mental Health defines Anxiety Disorder as “a mental health disorder characterized by feelings of worry, anxiety, or fear that are strong enough to interfere with one's daily activities” (nimh.nih.gov). If that episode didn’t interfere with my daily activities, I don’t know what would. I began having this problem back in August of 2015 when I began a new position as supervisor with my current employment with APSU. I was ready to take on the world and everything it had to throw my way.
Right when I felt that I could do life alone and had it all figured out, I began to panic and get scared, and I realized that physically and mentally, I couldn’t do it by myself. Then, after several bouts of fear and anxiousness, I built this complex in my head that made me question my own sanity. Am I doing this right? Am I forgetting something? Did I really do that or was I just imagining it? These are all questions that I asked, and continue to banter with myself, on a daily basis. It took me a long time to realize that I wasn’t crazy. I just needed to step back and realize that sometimes, all I could really do was live.
That is when it hit me. Is worrying really worth it? Sure, that test is super important and of course that job you have been wanting is super sweet, but why fret? Worrying never gave anyone anything except for killer migraines and a lack of sleep. Whether or not I worry about tomorrow or not doesn’t mean I am going to make it come or go by any faster. In the most recent weeks, counseling has been my best friend, and it’s taught me that we live in this thing called “the present”, the here and now. We are not tomorrow or yesterday, but just here. Then we’re gone. I know people say that all the time, but it rings so true in my ears. We are moments. We live our life in them, we embrace them and we are them. Why not enjoy? So what, you have this huge interview with this amazing company for an internship, and that is great, so think of it, give it some love, and drop it. Do your absolute best, give it your all in the interview, and then let it go. If you get it, that is great, but if you don’t, it isn’t the end of the world. We as people need to just enjoy living. We are only moments, and we slip away without a second glance, so enjoy the ride.
