I was always the only single one. I didn’t know why and I didn’t know where my friends kept finding these boys who wanted to be in a relationship; it seemed to me that they all sprinted at the thought of commitment. I wasn’t the “cool” single either, like Carrie Bradshaw in "Sex and the City"—maybe that’s because I didn’t have a group of friends that were also going through the same thing, or maybe because I’m not in my thirties or living in New York City or a fictional television character.
So, unlike Carrie, my friends were almost always busy with their boyfriends and would promise to hang out with me after. For a while, I hated it; I felt as though I was missing out on everything and that I wouldn’t be happy until I was dating someone. This caused some conflict because I was a very particular person (read: I had high standards). I would “talk” to boys and spend time with them, but none of them seemed perfect enough to actually start a relationship with. I was breaking hearts because mine had absolutely no idea what it wanted, which was unfair to everyone involved.
It took some time—and a few undeserving bachelors’ broken hearts, for whom I apologize—for me to figure out that I wasn’t the relationship type. I just didn’t get them, and once I finally came to terms with this, I realized how liberating it is to be single. Everyone often associates the word “single” with “lonely,” and the two just aren’t synonymous. I am single, but am I lonely? No. There are days were I feel lonely, but not all days are perfect when you’re in a relationship either. Spending so much time without a boyfriend has taught me a lot about myself, and the world, that I would not have known had I been in a relationship all this time. I love being free to do whatever I want. I love being able to schedule my days around myself, rather than what someone else wants. I love spending all day in bed reading a book that I’ve already read three hundred times. I love being able to hang out with whoever I want and not be worried that someone may feel jealous or threatened.
Don’t think that this article is bashing relationships. Relationships are great, and I’m so happy for my friends who are in good ones, but I also think that some people are afraid to be single. I think that society has forced this idea of needing to be with someone so deep into our brains that we will stay in unhealthy and unhappy relationships. Even at a young age—I think I was like, twelve years old the first time I watched "The Notebook"—we are taught that we are supposed to fall in love and live happily ever after. We watch Disney movies where 16-year-old girls change their entire lives to be with a man they haven’t even met (looking at you, Ariel). There’s such a social pressure to date that we jump from relationship to relationship because we are so afraid of being on our own. I have to ask you all, why?
Why should you not want to be alone? (I might sound like a hippie but, I think everyone needs to be on their own and ~discover~ themselves.) Why should you be in a relationship where you’re not happy? Why should you have to work hard every day to please someone if you don’t want to? Why are you afraid of being alone?
Learning to be independent is an incredibly important part of life, albeit terrifying. Luckily, we live in 2016, and women are actually allowed to be independent. Women’s lives used to revolve around getting married, but now it’s normal for women to pursue their own careers, so I’ll never understand the obsession with young girls today of proving that they have a perfect relationship. Don’t take this article as a sign to break up with your boyfriend or anything, just take a second to think; am I afraid of being alone?
