I still remember the first boy who filled my stomach with butterflies. I was five years old, and his name was Michael. I don’t even really know why he was so appealing to me (sorry, Michael), but we were on the same bus so I guess I chose my men based on proximity. I imagined us getting married and living in a castle, happily ever after like a prince and princess. Even since kindergarten, my mind was filled with ideas of being in a relationship and gaining happiness from being with another person.
I suppose this stemmed from the fact that I watched Disney princess movies like it was my job. I loved Ariel so much that I hobbled around in a mermaid tail for Halloween when I was four, in search of my own Prince Eric. I dreamt of having my room cleaned by delightful little birds like Cinderella, and then being swept off my feet by Prince Charming. I wondered when I would experience true love’s kiss, like Princess Aurora and Snow White did.
As I grew older, I continued to become enchanted by the idea of love and spending the rest of my life with my so-called soulmate. I often thought about the Greek myth that so famously states that humans once had four legs, four arms, and two faces, but were split by Zeus out of fear of these creatures being too powerful. For the rest of their lives, the two halves spent their time devoted to finding each other -- their soulmate. I played a solo game of 20 questions about my own soulmate: Where was he right now? What did he look like? When would we meet? Who would complete me?
And that is the problem: we look at love and relationships as a completion of our beings. We tell ourselves that we are only half of what we could be with someone else by our side. We believe we are incomplete until we find love in someone else. And I think that is one of the saddest misconceptions out there.
Take it from me, a girl who’s been single for the last 19 years of her life. Sure, when I was entranced by Disney and Greek mythology, I looked within myself and wondered why I didn’t have a boyfriend yet. Clearly, something was wrong with me. Normal teenagers date; obviously I wasn’t normal. It made me feel insecure about myself; was I ugly? Too stupid? Not funny? Was I not appealing in any way?
I guess all I really wanted was happiness. I thought that having a boyfriend would take away my insecurities; it would make me happier. But as I grew older, I realized that nobody could take away my insecurities, nobody could make me happier, and nobody could complete me quite like...well, me. The only person who can make you feel complete is yourself. Not a boyfriend, not a girlfriend, but you. That's right, you.
This is why it's OK to be single. In fact, it's more than OK -- it's great. It's great because at the end of the day, you will feel happy and confident in your own skin. You'll believe you are beautiful and worthy of all of life's incredible gifts without someone having to tell you. You will know what you want to do, not because someone else wants you to, but because it makes you happy. You will be independent with all you do in life. Most importantly, you will know that you are 100 percent complete on your own.
So, ladies and gents, I have a proposition for you: forget about Disney and Greek myths and what society has to say. Instead, discover yourself before someone else molds you. Feel complete on your own. Create your own happiness and let someone simply add to that, rather than finding all of your happiness within someone else.
Don't just live happily ever after with someone -- create your own happy ending first.
