The more I spend time with friends and other people, the more exhausted I become mentally and physically. Most everyone can agree that being a "social butterfly" is a positive thing. Who doesn't want to be around someone who always wants to spend time with others?

I definitely fall under the category of "socializing because I should, but not necessarily because I want to." Honestly, people can stress me out, especially in large quantities. I am not a "wallflower" per se, but I do enjoy my own solitude and downtime. It's not that I don't enjoy people or friends, but college life just has its way of tearing me down physically and mentally to the point of utter exhaustion. I constantly find myself caught in the middle of sacrificing time for others versus making time for myself. While I don't necessarily find my joy when I'm surrounded by numerous people, I do enjoy making people happy and bringing a smile to their faces. I often overcompensate with favors and go out of my way to make sure someone is satisfied. Believe me, through years of always trying to satisfy others, I have become less satisfied with myself. This may sound self-centered, but I believe everyone needs to have at least an ounce of selfishness in their lives to keep themselves sane.

There are days where I'll wake up in bed and dread going outside the confined walls of my dorm. My 6:30 a.m. alarm screams at me from the tiny shelf above my bunk bed, while I frantically grab my iPhone to hit "snooze." That probably sounds pretty exaggerated, but my busy schedule as a year-round student-athlete demands constant social interaction. Every weekday, I wake up slowly but with a swift purpose; I can't be late for 7 a.m. practice. I feel the grogginess of the early morning across my body. I walk to the track and have to smile, act happy, and pretend that I always want to be surrounded by company 24/7. After practice, I briskly walk over to the Dining Hall to grab breakfast to-go, hoping nobody sees me so I can eat in the silence of my room. The rest of my day is comprised of classes, more classes, time spent in the training room or weight room, and studying; however, the biggest bulk of my day is spent training with teammates, eating with friends, walking to classes alongside roughly 2,300 college students, or sharing the roads with hundreds of other cars while running weekly errands. The common denominator that underlies the majority of my day is constant interaction with people. This is why I am always tired, and this is why I must prescribe myself a healthy dose of solitude. I crave those 10-15 minutes of silence between each activity during the day, but I lack the sufficient amount of time to spend time with just myself.

There are a plethora of positives that stem from social interaction with friends and other people. However, when you fail to make time for yourself, your body demands solitude because it is like a battery. As the day progresses, your energy percentage decreases and it must be recharged. It is natural to enjoy the company of just yourself while you listen to the sound of your heart beating, your body steadily breathing, and the echo of your thoughts vibrating off the walls of your mind. Finding solitude isn't selfish, but rather it is necessary in order to recharge your energy and enjoy the company of others without being enslaved to a routine of forced social interaction.