When you first walk onto the field of the sport that you are in love with, you know that it is the first time. The wave of feelings that you get is overwhelming and there are no words to describe this feeling except you that you never want it to go away. I’ve had this feeling most of my life being that I have had the chance to play multiple sports yet I still get this feeling still when I step onto the softball diamond.

I was seven years old and I didn’t know what the sport was except that it might be like baseball but for girls...little did I know that this sport would find a place within me that was part of the definition of who I was. This is when it all started. When you first put your cleats on, feel the inside of your glove as if it were part of your hand, grip the bat for the first time or feel the laces under your fingertips, you will remember this feeling for the rest of your life. You find comfort in sliding across the dirt, diving for a fly ball and you get a sort of high from the adrenaline that rushes over you as you step up to the plate and think that you never want to leave this place because it is your sanctuary. Softball was all of this to me and more and the feeling of putting on my cleats one last time, of tying the laces one last time of feeling the inside of my glove one-last-time was hard for me to believe and still is.

Softball was my life. Everyday after school, every weekend out of town and every best friend that I ever had was playing right by my side since day one but once we graduated high school things changed. We found new teammates and I found a new goal in life because I wasn’t able to make it the level of playing and competition that I knew I was capable of doing and so I had to endure these feelings that I fought so hard to have to avoid. I had to put my cleats on one last time, feel the sting of the ball in my glove one last time, harden the calluses from twelve years one last time, and whip the ball one last time. One last time to smell the dirt, to step into the box, to glance at the words on the inside of my helmet that reminded me to follow through, to look through the cage of that helmet and into the eyes of the pitcher and prove I was better...one last time. --Softball was no longer my life.

It took me a while to believe that I wasn’t going to be able to play softball at a competitive level anymore and although it was hard, I accepted it. It was a while before I was able to actually go to a game and watch because when you have played a sport for that long it’s hard to simply watch because you have the urge to gear up and jump on the field with them but you realize you can’t.

Softball was a huge part of my life and is still a huge aspect in shaping who I am as a person today but I will always remember and get that overwhelming feeling when I step onto the field. It will never be the last time, it will be just like the first.