We all have those friends. The ones who we were once close with, the ones we were once tied too, and the ones who were once looked at as if they were going to be our best friends forever. But life happens and forever is hardly ever a reality.
We move away, we grow up, we change, we have fights, we graduate high school, and we go to college. Life changes indefinitely and so do your friends. How do you handle a friendship that has faded away, but you're still connected too each other by the social constraints that once held you together as friends? You still like every Instagram photo they post, you still buy each other presents on birthdays and holidays, you still talk to them when you feel like you need to check in on them, but something has changed. You don't connect anymore. The spark of the actual friendship is gone. But for some reason you keep doing the same actions that you did when you were friends like nothing has changed, when in fact, your whole friendship has changed.
But you're just doing what is right, right? You're upholding your social duty by doing all of these friend-like things. If you just act as the friend, even though you don't care anymore, its not a big deal right?
But it is.
I know I wouldn't want a half-assed friend. And at this point, you're just acting as a friend because its what you've done for years, not because you actually care anymore. What is worse though is when you have stopped putting in effort, and are just putting on a show, the actual friendship doesn't matter anymore, what matters now is what people think. Social constraints are keeping your friendship going, but how in the hell do you actually walk away?
I used to think friend break-ups were the worst. They were sudden and stupid, but normally you at least knew why it happened (been there, done that, it sucked). However, when you fade away from someone it hurts 10 times more(been there, done that, it also sucked). Both of you recognize that your friendship is fading, but neither one of you do anything about it. You ignore it until it has withered away. Before you know it your friendship is gone and societal constraints are the only thing keeping your friendship running.
Now you just like their Instagram posts and halfheartedly wish them happy birthday. The care and effort you once put in has drifted away. It is easy to say that you should just text this person and let them know what's up. But let's be honest, things probably aren't going to change, things will get better for awhile, but then you will both fade away doing the exact same thing.
There really is not a good answer here. If you fall off the face of the planet and break societal norms then your friend may wonder why for years and years what they did wrong, when really you just got tired of putting in the effort. If you call the issue out, the cycle continues, which nobody wants. Society somehow always manages to ruin things, especially when it comes to old friends. When you realize you have faded away, but don't want to look back, it is okay. Just know that no matter how it turns out in the end, someone is going to get hurt.
Sometimes we all need to break away from societal constraints, even if it means walking away from a friend.
