Family is often seen as the basic unit of a society, or the nucleus of the Civilization. Everywhere around me, people want to have their own family in the future in order to 'fulfill themselves', or to 'settle down'. People who are over 40 and without a partner or kids are seen as the 'lost causes' and less successful in life than their peers who have a family. Social pressure on family formation seems to be on a border between the positive reinforcement for the people who want to create a family, and the cruel social judgment for the people who don't.
Feminist movements did a good job in the past, trying to make the sexes less depend on one another. Men and women are able to earn money on their own and in many cases, to take care of the household. Individuals are getting independent and family as a social institution became less of a necessity for the adults.
The base of my problem here are people who step into the family institution just because they were taught that it’s the right thing to do. Pairs decide to marry or live together because they see it as the ‘logical next step’ of their relationship. After they marry, everyone around them seems to be waiting for the pregnancy announcement and for the young lovers to start building their nests.
All the time around me, I saw people who don’t love each other getting married simply because they found themselves a ‘good opportunity’. Since I was a kid, neighbors would joke and say that I’m ripe for marriage, the older members of my family say that they want to live long enough to see me getting married, and finally when I talk to my friends I notice how sometimes they’re scared that they will not find the right partner in time. When people actually start a life together, in so many cases they want children for all the wrong reasons, in my opinion. They want a kid so they could create something together, to continue their family name or in some cases to preserve their marriage. Sometimes the kid comes by accident, and the parents suddenly decide that having an abortion would be immoral and decide to raise the kid. I’m not saying that such parents end up being bad parents, but simply that maybe parenting was never their call.
In the modern era, people must start broadening their minds in order to accommodate the alternative forms of family. More and more adults decide to adopt children, be a single parent, or have their siblings helping them with the children instead of their partners. Some pairs decide on pets, instead of children, while some people prefer staying with their parents until they grow old. Therefore the idea of family shifted over time, from the mainstream schema presented in the instant soup commercials to the new and redefined kin based associations.
Will I form a family of my own one day? I don’t know. But if I decide to do so, I’ll make sure that it’s because I, myself, wanted to be a parent, love and be loved by my children, or spend my time with a partner I love. If I decide not to do so, well, I’m still sure I’ll have a hell of a ride and that I’ll never regret it.
