Just because we don’t exactly plan on having them or have that motherly instinct to pick up children and play with them when we see them, doesn’t mean we hate yours.
For many, becoming a mother is a high priority in the life plan, for some, it falls into their life unexpectedly, or for others, it’s something that gets left out of the plan.
It’s not too much of a secret what category I fall into. I babysat one time when I was younger and it felt more like a punishment than an experience I wanted to do again. It’s debatable, but it’s possible somebody was locked outside… nevertheless, I didn’t partake in the babysitting gig too many times after that.
From a young age, the female gender is taught to play house and dress up with dolls. If you walk through any American toy aisle, there will most likely be a whole section full of these items. There’s nothing wrong with it, because it helps promote the American dream of getting married and having children that so many children grow up having.
Like all little girls, I loved playing with dolls and cooking in a play kitchen, but I’ve never actually had the grand thoughts of how many children I want or the excitement for what it’d be like. As I’m getting older, I’m waiting for the motherly instinct to kick in, but it’s not there. Maybe one day it’ll sneak up and surprise me, but for now, it sits firmly to the opposite side of the spectrum with the overwhelming urge to avoid anything that’s screeching uncontrollably or that’s under my three-foot height requirement.
I know what you’re thinking… "What kind of woman wouldn’t want children? So you hate children then? You have to have children, or you’ll be so lonely."
When someone asks about the type of career I want, I explain one where I travel frequently and it’s time-consuming. Then there are the questions about children in the future and having a family come, and finally the comments of, “you’ll change your mind” or “I said the same thing when I was your age and now look at me,” always follow my answer.
It’s something that many can’t even wrap their heads around with not having children because they have a few and, for some reason, you instantly offend them by saying that it’s possible there might not be time or room for them, and you’re not too upset about it.
My response to your reaction will always be the same too, “That’s great for you, and I’m sure that you’re as happy as can be, but it's not for everybody.”
I’m not alone on this belief either, and it’s actually becoming a more popular and socially acceptable lifestyle. A life without children isn’t always a boring and lonely one; it’s just a different one.
1. Women aren't made for just the kitchen.
Rather than being the traditional type of couple, where the man brings home the money and the woman takes care of the family and home, become a couple where both partners do a lot of both. There’s nothing wrong when the woman makes the same amount or even more than the man. It just means that she’s driven and doesn’t want to be dependent on somebody else. Being in this type of lifestyle means focusing on your relationship over anything else, rather than the lifestyle of only having time for a date night every few months or years with a child around.
2. Women rising to new heights in a career.
Women now, more than ever, are rising up in their careers and joining different careers that once didn’t even allow women to take part in. To set a career goal and be so focused on it that you’d pack up and move across country or work 70 hours in a week to reach it leaves little room for a child. It leads more to a nanny being the caretaker and known more as the mother figure. Focusing on your career and making it your “baby,” so to say, isn’t selfish, but liberating because everything that comes out of your career success is left for yourself to take all the credit for and reap the benefits.
3. Women wanting to have more money and time to spend on adventure.
Children are expensive. They aren’t just for 18 years, because you have them around for life. Yes that money you spend on them goes towards a great cause, but think of the other places it could be going towards, including yourself. The money that would be spent on a child could be spent on new adventures doing things and seeing places you’ve never been to. This also goes with women that already travel too much before children, and aren’t willing to give it up. Many have to wait until they retire to go explore the world, but with the extra money throughout the years, there are so many places you could go.
Whatever your reason may be to not have children, you’re not alone. Not wanting children isn’t a selfish act, because for some it’s a feeling that is never present and others may choose to go a different way and excel in other things.
