I’m the girl who can get in front of a class and give a presentation, but if I have to participate in class at my desk, I feel like my throat is closing up and I can’t get myself to talk.

I’m the girl who can’t get herself to leave her own room to go eat lunch just a few feet away with people I know, but I can fly to another country when I know barely anyone and almost no one there speaks my language.

I’m the girl who once when she walked down the sidewalk wished she could just blend into the pavement my social anxiety was so bad, but I’m also the girl who can get out on the football field during a home game and sing the national anthem.

One of the most important things to remember about social anxiety is that it doesn’t have to align with what you think it should be in order for it to be valid or real. What’s sad about social anxiety, is that a lot of the time you won’t ever know someone has social anxiety because it’s usually something people deal with by themselves. This is usually because they’re scared to talk about it because they’re worried people will think they’re “crazy” or something is wrong with them

When you don’t understand something, it doesn’t give you the right to act like it is silly or to assume what they’re going through is just in their head. Just because it doesn’t display itself the way you think it should doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist in someone. Just because it only forms in some situations doesn’t mean someone is being dramatic or they’re overreacting. Just because it isn’t bad all the time doesn’t mean it’s just a phase or it’s something they’ll grow out of. And just because you view someone who has social anxiety as someone who can’t even be around other people doesn’t mean that’s how it actually works.

Social anxiety isn’t something that can be easily defined because it’s different for everyone. The only real thing people who have social anxiety have in common is that we don’t have control over it. My social anxiety stems from my perfectionism and fear of failure, but it comes from different places for different people. It’s hard to explain to people, and it’s harder still to understand.

Social anxiety forms itself in many different ways. For me, it’s the little things that can trigger it. It’s the unexpected, uncontrollable things. If I feel safe in my routine then I’m fine. It’s when I have to branch out that I no longer feel safe. I start to feel overwhelmed or even attacked. I have to plan so many of my conversations for fear I’ll say the wrong thing and people will think less of me. It’s not being able to get myself to speak because my throat closes up from anxiety. I feel like too much is coming at me at once like I’m experiencing a sensory overload. I think this comes from all the over thinking and over analyzing everything until I think my brain is going to explode.

Because it is like anxiety where you’re trapped in your own mind, it doesn’t just go away. The best way to combat it is learning to take things one step at a time and not letting the world bog you down. This is what helps pull you out of it. What helps me is constantly reminding myself that I don’t have to do everything perfectly and that sometimes making a mistake isn’t as a big a deal as my brain makes it out to be.