I once came across a quote that read something along the lines of, "Being a drug addict isn't nearly as bad as being sober and loving a drug addict...You can't save them but they can sure as hell destroy you, and they will."
Of all the heartache I have ever experienced, it is difficult to find something --anything-- which is comparable to the toxicity which is inevitable when you are sober and trying to love someone who is an addict. Addicts, whether it be drugs, alcohol or even gambling, seem to have a blatant disregard for anyone or anything but themselves, and they usually do. They will lie to you, steal from you and manipulate you. So why do we still love them? It has taken me years to understand that I can never save them, yet I still find myself haunted by a ghost called codependency. No matter how hard I try, I still, in some sick way, thrive off of the chaos in my futile attempts to save those I love from their afflictions.
Until you have loved someone who is an addict, it may be difficult for you to understand how someone so unlovable can be so important to me. Maybe it is not just because I want to save them, but rather because I knew and loved these addicts before they became consumed by their demons. Someone very close to me, ironically an addict themselves, has been telling me for years that you can not help someone who refuses to help him or herself. As I grow older, I have learned that this is the truest thing there is to be said about addicts.
While I do not condone nor participate in the actions of these addicts I love so much, I will always love them regardless. I will not mention any names, but I know some of my loved ones battling addiction will read this article and hopefully make a few realizations. The first realization being that I will always care for you. Though it may be from afar, you will always have a place in my heart despite the evil that resides within yours. The second, and by far the most important, is that while days unfold and we may not communicate as often as before, you are constantly in my thoughts and prayers each day. I may not be able to save you, but I do love you.
