I was driving 55 mph as something whipped its way through my car window and noisily rattled on a brown paper bag I had in the passenger’s seat.
My head banged down into my chest as my shoulders shot up. If I filmed my reaction and put it in slow motion, one would think I was avoiding a ball being thrown at me. As my heart slowed its pace, I saw the perpetrator was nothing but a small, green leaf that was now quietly resting on the floor next to me.
With a tense body and stiff neck, I picked it up and examined it while I analyzed my reaction to the event that just unfolded. I could’ve gotten into a car accident because of this tiny leaf.
I’m no stranger to this occurrence. This exact event has played out innumerable times, but it’s usually provoked by buzzing insects that soar past my ears. While I’ve had several unpleasant experiences with bugs (often bees) in my life, there’s been nothing so bad that should warrant a reaction of this severity.
While I would love to sit here and upchuck every experience I’ve had with bugs, displaying how irrational my “fear” of them is, this experience with the leaf goes deeper than I probably would have liked.
I just couldn’t understand how a small rattling sound near me turned off my logical reasoning. I couldn’t understand how I just let myself lose control of the situation, possibly getting into a car accident. I couldn’t understand why I was like this. Over such a small thing that, in no way, could hurt me.
Fear is a biologically-programmed survival mechanism, a term referred to as "fight or flight," which we have all heard of. In times of danger, our senses and reflexes become heightened. In situations of life-threatening danger, fear is necessary for survival. Makes sense.
But how, in any way, did I think I was in life-threatening danger?
This little leaf was the key that unlocked a part of my mind I refuse to acknowledge and often neglect. It’s part of me I’m not too fond of: my fear.
So many things I’ve done, or perhaps not done, is because of this fear I carry. It’s normal to have fear—fear of death, of betrayal, of the unknown. While they are rational, letting them take control is completely irrational.
I have missed so many opportunities in school, relationships, travel and potential career directions because I was too afraid of messing up or putting myself out there, or not having the skills or money. I tend to make lists of reasons I can’t do something, because that’s easier than exploring territory with which I am unfamiliar or ill-prepared.
Thich Nhat Hanh so perfectly says, “People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.”
Too often, teens and young adults are pressured into pursuing a life they might not desire. Whether this is pressure from their family, or imagined pressure they put on themselves that they think exists (my case), it’s such a waste of a specific, unique life.
As Marc Chernoff says in an article, “There is not a clear path that everyone should follow. Your greatest fear should not be of failure, but of succeeding in life at all the wrong things.”
I let this saying drives my motivation to leave my comfort zone, to explore things I may not normally, and to just let myself live and enjoy it. Every one of my current problems is because of this fear that is not so easily let go.
I have conquered many of my fears: I chose to stay home and go to community college for two years. I decided to take a year off before I transfer to finish my Bachelor’s degree (not the common path). I faced my fear of heights (which I didn’t know existed until I was thousands of feet above the bottom of the Grand Canyon). I have addressed my fear of death (which no longer haunts me).
Although, I do tend to put more weight on what I haven’t yet accomplished compared to what I have. Isn’t that our natural tendency?
Don’t let fear run your life.
Acknowledge the fear, make a plan of action, and do anything in your power to reach your ideal happiness.
I will probably always cringe at buzzing insects, though.
