As you all, those who have read my articles, may or may not have noticed, my articles tend to center around a theme of social justice. In particular, I like to address and refute stereotypes or point out the way in which many groups of people are still oppressed today. However, sometimes an article isn't the best way to express the intense and powerful emotions that a victim of our societal flaw's may endure. So, this week, I decided to veer away from the typical article format and write a slam poem about a subject that hits close to home.

Skinny Love

When I was nine years old I loved food

And because I was just a kid

I never considered the consequences of my love

So maybe my father was right when he told me

If I wanted to be successful in this world

I needed to get skinny

At first I didn't listen

because I didn't understand

Why did I need to change

if I'm happy the way I am?

But the more I didn't listen

The more desperate he got

The talks more serious

The shame piled up

And eventually I understood

Nine years old and already counting calories

like most kids counted sheep

And it was then that something

inside of me started growing

In the empty space

But it was okay

Because my dad would tell me

how proud he was of me

In my family my sister was lucky

She was blessed with natural thinness

and big breasts and long legs

I was a stump compared to her

She ate like a triathlete

But she never got the talks

After softball practices in grade school

My team would go out for pizza

I'd eat one slice and want another

And I'd watch the other girls

The thinner girls

Eat two slices

Or three

It didn't matter

They didn't need to change

And when puberty struck like lightning

Suddenly I was the size my dad

could have only dreamed of

I could eat McDonalds Taco Bell Burger King

Burgerville Panda Express Kentucky Fried Chicken

I could eat cookies and cakes

and chips and chocolate

I could eat that second slice of pizza

One day Jennifer Hudson

appeared on the TV screen

My dad said "She looks so much better

now that's she's lean."

He liked his women like he liked his meat

And as my fitness rose higher my sister's plateaued

She was still beautiful but not bare bones

And an unwelcome stranger returned

He would say

"You won't be successful if you

only look good in sweaters"

And she would cry and wonder why

She was receiving the talks

That had been exclusive to me

And we would bond from the common experience

Of being shamed for loving food

When did a six-pack go from meaning

Beer to an expectation

When did gap go from a clothing store

to an obsession

We are victims of our own creation

We are like Frankenstein's doctor

We wanted beauty and we created monsters

Telling us to not end up the others

The ones that take up two seats

The ones that walk too slow

The ones that smell of grease

They aren't beautiful

They are beasts

And when my sister and I would fight

She would mention the list

My dad's list he kept on the

inside of the kitchen cupboard

An organized way to remember everything

About me that needed fixing

Bad eyes

Speech issues

Crooked teeth

Crooked jaw

Acne like chickenpox

My weight

And when the orthodontist told me

I was barely old enough to get jaw surgery

I had never seen my parents more happy

Everything else on the list

Had been fixed as much as it could

But my jaw? Assumed to be a lost cause

And they told me I was simply getting the

face I was meant to have

They told me they wanted every door to be open for me

They told me this was for the best

So when I woke up on the surgeon's table

The first thing I asked was

"Am I beautiful now?"

For the record, I still remember the moment when I drifted into consciousness, opened my eyes, saw the surgeon, and asked if I was beautiful now. I remember he looked at me with sad eyes, and then said to me,

*It's also important to note that struggles with body image have no gender (or lack thereof, for nonbinary individuals), age, race, weight, etc. I wrote this poem based off of my own experiences, but they in no way speak for every person who doesn't like the way they look.