On September 2nd, 2010, I was crying in my room and longing to end my life. I had just gotten done with an argument in which someone was trying to convince me to make friends. I thought, "Don't you understand?! Every time I try to make friends with people they ignore me, are rude to me, or break my heart. I don't want to go through it again!" I cried to God, "I don't want to hate you, but I feel like I am! I know I'm not supposed to, but I don't know what else to do!"

I had struggled with depression for a few years. I had been involved in so many church activities, clubs, and plays. I could always be super cheerful around friends, so no one had a clue what I was contemplating. However, I did not get to see the majority of my friends during the school year. Those who I did spend time with, often left me in the corner, wishing that someone would talk to me, reach out to me, listen to my jokes, let me make them laugh, and just be a friend. Due to all of this, I had convinced myself that I was ugly and unloved.

All of these things were racing through my head, as I cried in my room that night. Thoughts of suicide had come to my head before, but I had never been willing to listen to them for very long. This night I could hear demons saying, "You're a Christian, so you'll go to Heaven when you die. You'll never have to feel pain again. NEVER! You'll love Heaven. Think of all those old relatives and friends who have died. I'm sure you would have a ton of fun with them."

But then I felt like God saying, "Wait! Please wait! I worked so hard to get you here! Something good is going to happen. I promise! Don't go! It's not your time yet!"

I was so mad at Him. I didn't want to hear that I should stay. I didn't want to hear that something better was on it's way. I just didn't want to risk any more pain. But after several minutes of crying, praying, and looking at pictures of people I loved, I decided to stay...for a little while. I was fully prepared to take my life in a month or two, if things did not turn out better.

But soon after that I found a youth group filled with loving people, who wanted to be my friend. So God kept His promise that something good would happen.

If I could go back in time, I would give that girl from the past a hug. I would tell her, "Guess what? You are going to go through more heartbreak than you could possibly imagine. You will gain more weight than you ever wanted to, and you will have trouble making friends at other times.

"But you will also get to go to concerts of people you thought you'd never get to see live. You will get to go four-wheeling, visit New York City, see a show on Broadway, go to Ohio, work in kitchens with some of the most amazing co-workers, perform with your favorite theater company, go to your dream college, dance, and become best friends with your younger brother. So for all that, are you willing to stick around?"

I know that I would have been jumping up and down and so excited, if I could have heard that. My struggle with depression did not go away right away, and it has even come back once or twice to haunt me. But because of all the blessings and treasures I have received, I can not regret my decision that night: to live.

So for anyone who might be struggling, remember that you are not alone. If you need help with anything, don't be afraid to ask a friend or go to a nearby counseling center. Counselors and psychiatrists are really not as bad, boring, dumb, or mean as the media sometimes portrays them. And whether you are struggling or not, always make the decision: to live.