Throughout high school, I looked forward to my senior year field hockey season every single day, and when it finally came I could not have been more excited. Everything was going great in pre-season...until the first game came along and I didn’t play a single minute.

I figured maybe after the first game and talking to my coach that I would get to play more as the season went on, but that was not the case. The bench became my home on the field, which was not something that I was happy with. Along with myself, there were two other seniors who sat the bench for most of the season.

The three of us would sit there on the sideline and watch our team, and occasionally play five or ten minutes. It wasn’t fair to any of us and no matter how hard we practiced or how well we played in the short amount of time that we got to play, our coach just acted like we weren’t there.

Sitting there on that metal bench off the center of the field made me realize that I am driven. Despite being put down game after game by the little amount of time that I played, I was still motivated to do my best in all of the conditioning drills and practices. I didn’t let the fact that I wasn’t playing much affect how I practiced because I cared too much about the game to let a bad experience ruin it for me.

I had some pretty great times on the bench, so I can’t say it was all bad. The three of us became close, listening to another team’s student section almost get kicked out, studying for tests, and huddling together under a blanket for our last game in freezing cold weather.

Of course, I’d still get excited when the coach would say those magic words, “you’re going in”. Who wouldn’t? I loved playing field hockey, and then I had a coach who ruined the game for me. In fact, I think the second half of the season was the worst of it because I lost all hope of ever playing a full game.

Senior night, you’d think all the seniors would have played the full game but we played about 15 minutes out of the entire 60-minute game. Then the incredible moment happened. In the second round of district playoffs, we were losing 8-0 and coach finally decided to put me in for more than 10 minutes. I played about 25 minutes that day, and it was the last game I ever got to suit up for. All I know is that game saved me from hating the sport for the rest of my life.

I realized once I got home that I was both relieved and distraught about the season finally being over. I hated my coach, but I loved my teammates. I hated sitting bench, but it made playing that much sweeter. I learned from my senior season to cherish every moment because you never know what could happen or how fast something can be taken away from you.

Now here I am, a freshman in college, and I don’t play field hockey anymore. Do I miss it? Of course, I do, but I don’t like the way it ended for me. If I could go back and change my last season I would in a heartbeat, but time traveling isn’t a thing yet so I’ll just carry on here for now. I learned that not everything is going to happen the way that I want it to and I’m going to have to live with it. I learned that I’m okay with not always being the best at something or the most valued because deep down I know that I am putting my best foot forward and putting in everything that I can for the cause.

Looking back I should have stood up for myself more, but I'm not sure that my coach would have cared. She was looking for a winning record, which she didn’t get in the end.

Oh, and did I mention I scored the only goal in our last game?

Coach must have missed that, too.