First off I'd like to say that I hate you. No, I more than hate you I wish that I could slay you like a dragon. You ripped through my life leaving a giant mess and broken hearts. My brother's only 13 years old, he hasn't even reached high school yet and has already been through so much. My family has pretty much been separated these past six months with my parents bringing my brother to radiation and his doctors appointments the first two months we saw them as much as we could. Now, he's in chemotherapy for a week each month so we get to be together more often but it's still hard to really relax and just have fun when you know that at a moment's notice anything could happen.

From the day I found out about my brother's cancer I tried to build a wall against everything, never letting my fear break through except for the occasional breakdown. I almost never talk about it with anyone, and I don't let anyone ever know what I'm truly feeling, I can't I have to be the strong one for my other brother's when my parents are away. I have to, it's my duty as their older sister to shield them from as much pain and worrying as I can by trying to take it all on me and never letting them see me crack.

My brother's don't say much either but I can tell that they're scared and don't know how to deal with any of this. I mean honestly, who does? At the beginning it used to make me so angry that my other brother's would seem so distant, almost like they weren't paying attention when we would go to the hospital. It wasn't until later that I realized they weren't doing it on purpose, but that it was the only way they knew how to deal with it all.That's the worst part, not being able to help them deal with everything.

My parents are at the front line of this battle; they see everything and although they tell us a lot and post on Facebook to keep everyone in the loop I know they get the brunt of it. It is the hardest thing to see your mother and father almost fall apart because they can't do anything to take it all away, especially when they see it as they're supposed to be the ones to protect us from harm and they can't do anything to shield us. So cancer, if you could do me just one favor, leave my family alone and get the hell away from my brother for good. You've done enough damage. You've drained enough energy. Just give us back our boy already.


A broken sister