A friend with benefits! What does that even mean? Well, even if you've never had one, you probably know someone who does!
I sometimes wonder what life would be like had my friends and I been born in the 1940s. Most likely we would have been labeled immoral, indecent, failures, and I am being nice with the name calling. We are women in our mid-thirties, most are single, happy to be, and not really looking to “settle down.”
Are we destined to be the next cat ladies? Maybe single-hood will one day be more acceptable or maybe we are just living life ahead of our times. What about a sex life? Are women condemned to a sexless life because commitment is scary to them? What about the stigma of sex without commitment.
None of my friends began their lives with fears of attachment. Negative feelings towards commitment developed after failed relationships. For some, it took only one failure, and for those hopeless romantics multiple attempts at eternal love.
There is nothing wrong with a woman being happy alone, maybe not typical, not the norm, but should not be seen as wrong.
Choosing to be alone should also not be the end of a healthy sex life. Many will have a problem with this statement because it doesn't fall under the establish idea of marriage. Do we forget that one out of two marriages ends in divorce or that infidelity is not uncommon in our era.
Women should not be judge by what happens in their beds and who it happens with. If these relationships are mutually beneficial and understood for what they are, they can be sexually rewarding without the commitment of a relationship.
Note: Relationships take work, dedication and understanding. I am not against being in one or the people who enjoy, and love being in them. There are many positives aspects to a relationship such as a sense of attachment, shared memories, and a 24 hours psychologist. These positives however are just not enough for some people, both men and women. Freedom to some is worth more than commitment.
Women should feel free to enjoy the benefits of a non-committed relationship without guilt or feelings of shame. It should no longer be a double standard where men can have sex without being judged, but women are shamed for it.
If the cards are placed on the table, terms agreed upon, and understood by both, then it should be their game to play…..and for others to watch without providing their input.
