When I first started college, I was in a relationship, while all the friends that I had made were single, but then things shifted. Suddenly, my relationship had fizzled and I was left the lone, single girl while all my friends had found relationships. And, honestly, it hurt. I would call my mom night after night telling her how awkward and out of place I felt when I would hang out with my friends and all their boyfriends would be there cuddling with them. I know that it is wrong, but if one of them got into a fight with their boyfriend, I would get a little happy, because maybe that would be the fight that would break them up and then I would no longer be the only single one in the friend group.

And going out with them would be even worse, they all had boys to dance with, and I had myself. At those parties my anxiety would kick in because, yes, I was dancing with my friends, but I was also dancing alone. I felt like everyone was staring at me and feeling sorry for me, someone once even noticed how alone I was and offered me to come over and hangout with his friends, I declined, but I appreciated it!

To make matters worse, my friends all felt sorry for me. Everywhere we went I was always like the SEVENTH wheel. Typically, my friends would refrain from saying anything, but every now and then, one of them would make some small comment like, "you're the seventh wheel," or "we need to find you a man." I would always laugh and brush the comments off, but inside my heart broke. Those were the nights when I would call my mom near tears, seeking some kind of reassurance that everything would be okay.

Also, my friends were practically dedicated to finding me a boyfriend, even their boyfriends would say things like "I can set you up with someone from my fraternity." But the thing that really made me feel worthless was when my friend innocently told me that, "I am just too much to handle," and that "I will probably find someone at some point in my 20s." I am sorry, but what the actual FUCK?! I am too much to handle? What does that mean? I am not a psychotic, crazy person, even though it might seem like I am from those last few sentences. Sure, I am a feminist, I think for myself, I'm opinionated, and I am very political, but that is by no means TOO much to handle. I have friends who are constantly getting drunk, and when they are not drunk, they are incredibly high. Now, that is too much to handle, and yet they have boyfriends. And then to top it off, she said that I would not find anyone until I am in my twenties, which was a real slap in the face since I do not even turn 20 for another year and half! I knew that she was trying to reassure me, maybe even compliment me for being a responsible adult, but it did not feel that way at all.

I did not feel like I needed a boyfriend, I had a lot of things going for me, I had a job, I made the Dean's list, and was taking steps to reach my career goals. Looking at all that, I felt that I was very successful, sure, I was not in a relationship, but a relationship does not define success. I mean, look at Oprah, she does not have a man, but she is still a billionaire and has created an entire empire; I do not think anyone can argue that she is not successful. Yet, there I was, boyfriendless, and everyone felt bad for me; I even began feeling bad for myself.

You see, when people keep talking about how you are single and how you "need a man," it starts to go to your head. You begin asking yourself, "Why are you single?" and "Why won't somebody date me?" You begin judging every part of yourself, like maybe if I was prettier, or taller, or if I was not as independent I would be in a relationship. Suddenly, you feel desperate and will change who you are or lower your standards down to zero just so that you will have someone to dance with at a stupid party.

Here's the thing, as much as it sucks being the only girl in the friend group not in a relationship, never, ever change yourself because it might make you "more dateable." If the only way to get a boy is to change who you are, then is that boy really worth it? NO! You are an intelligent, beautiful, strong, and talented woman, and if some man cannot handle that, then are they really even a man? It is not easy, and you will find yourself feeling alone, but the thing is you are not alone. You have great friends and an amazing family that you can rely on. You have so many incredible things going for you, do not let the fact that you are single cause you to forget that. And if any of that does not make you feel better, then remember that you can go out and make out with, dance with, and flirt with whoever you want and not feel bad about it, while all of your friends in a relationship feel bad that they found some frat boy attractive.

Thanks for reading!

Remember to live you best life! <3