Being single

I’m Single, But I Don’t Think I’m Ready To Mingle

Many people seem to always be on the constant lookout for their "other half," but not me—the single life isn't what most people want, but it's the one I'm in and I'm happy with it.

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For so long I've thought about what it would be like to be in a relationship, fleeting or something that lasts for a long time. In almost every time that I've thought about it though, as good as it looked, I just couldn't see myself getting into one.

Starting from a young age, I was constantly, albeit discretely, told by my parents and relatives that I should put off getting a boyfriend because school should always come first. At first, I never thought anything of it, knowing that my family jokes around at times and likes to tease us younger people a lot. As I got older, this "suggestion" became a more serious warning, a wish that my mom wanted me to consider. Deep down, I knew that getting into a relationship would devastate her or my family (they happily ask me if I have a boyfriend every time I video chat them).

Unconsciously I did take this suggestion seriously—I kept getting into a relationship at the back of my mind and focus solely on basically on everything else. I became oblivious and would never realize if someone was interested in me (to this day I still doubt this even happens).

I know that I'm not ready for a serious committed relationship. When you're in a relationship, it's sort of making a promise to someone else, a promise that you shouldn't break. There's also a lot of things that you would have to be responsible enough for in a relationship—it's not only a commitment that you make emotionally but also something that would take up time and energy. As someone who has a hard time expressing emotions that are too revealing, as well as being someone who likes to constantly busy herself to forget about the hard things in life, having a relationship seems a little challenging.

Taking into consideration the other party, I've also thought that it wouldn't be fair to them that I can't express my true thoughts all the time or commit as much time as I should, or want, to them. Often, I've heard that a relationship is a two-way street—if he's putting in more effort than I am, it just wouldn't be fair to them.

And this point is not true for a lot of people, thankfully, and just something that may apply to few, but I find it challenging to see me with someone else because I'm not satisfied with who I am at this time. I know it's unrealistic to want myself to be good enough for another person, and hopefully, I do grow out of this mindset become happier with who I am. At this time though, I am still far from it.

For those who are experiencing something similar to me, don't be too sad about it. It's true that relationships help you learn more about yourself and offer you many positives, but that doesn't mean that's the only means to achieving that. I personally am accepting of my single status. There may be some reflecting that I should do or some mindset that I want to grow from, but because of my friends, I don't feel so alone and deprived of the things a relationship can offer.

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I'd Rather Be Single Than Settle – Here Is Why Being Picky Is Okay

They're on their best behavior when you're dating.
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Dating nowadays described in one word: annoying.

What's even more annoying? when people tell you that you're being too "picky" when it comes to dating. Yes, from an outside perspective sometimes that's exactly what it looks like; however, when looking at it from my perspective it all makes sense.

I've heard it all:

"He was cute, why didn't you like him?"

"You didn't even give him a chance!"

"You pay too much attention to the little things!"

What people don't understand is that it's OKAY to be picky when it comes to guys. For some reason, girls in college freak out and think they're supposed to have a boyfriend by now, be engaged by the time they graduate, etc. It's all a little ridiculous.

However, I refuse to put myself on a time table such as this due to the fact that these girls who feel this way are left with no choice but to overlook the things in guys that they shouldn't be overlooking, they're settling and this is something that I refuse to do.

So this leaves the big question: What am I waiting for?

Well, I'm waiting for a guy who...

1. Wants to know my friends.

Blessed doesn't even begin to describe how lucky I am to have the friends that I do.

I want a guy who can hang out with my friends. If a guy makes an effort to impress your friends then that says a lot about him and how he feels about you. This not only shows that he cares about you but he cares about the people in your life as well.

Someone should be happy to see you happy and your friends contribute to that happiness, therefore, they should be nothing more than supportive and caring towards you and your friendships.

2. Actually, cares to get to know me.

Although this is a very broad statement, this is the most important one. A guy should want to know all about you. He should want to know your favorite movie, favorite ice cream flavor, favorite Netflix series, etc. Often, (the guys I get stuck on dates with) love to talk about themselves: they would rather tell you about what workout they did yesterday, what their job is, and what they like to do rather than get to know you.

This is something easy to spot on the first date, so although they may be "cute," you should probably drop them if you leave your date and can recite everything about their life since the day they were born, yet they didn't catch what your last name was.

3. How they talk about other women.

It does not matter who they're talking about, if they call their ex-girlfriend crazy we all know she probably isn't and if she is it's probably their fault.

If they talk bad about their mom, let's be honest, if they're disrespecting their mother they're not going to respect you either. If they mention a girl's physical appearances when describing them. For example, "yeah, I think our waitress is that blonde chick with the big boobs"

Well if that doesn't hint they're a complete f* boy then I don't know what else to tell you. And most importantly calling other women "bitches" that's just disrespectful.

Needless to say, if his conversations are similar to ones you'd hear in a frat house, ditch him.

4. Phone etiquette.

If he can't put his phone down long enough to take you to dinner then he doesn't deserve for you to be sitting across from him.

If a guy is serious about you he's going to give you his undivided attention and he's going to do whatever it takes to impress you and checking Snapchat on a date is not impressive. Also, notice if his phone is facedown, then there's most likely a reason for it.

He doesn't trust who or what could pop up on there and he clearly doesn't want you seeing. Although I'm not particularly interested in what's popping up on their phones, putting them face down says more about the guy than you think it does.

To reiterate, it's okay to be picky ladies, you're young, there's no rush.

Remember these tips next time you're on a date or seeing someone, and keep in mind: they're on their best behavior when you're dating. Then ask yourself, what will they be like when they're comfortable? Years down the road? Is this what I really want? If you ask yourself these questions you might be down the same road I have stumbled upon, being too picky.. and that's better than settling.

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