Is that guy looking at me? Oh, nope, he was just watching the waiter walk over with his food, I think to myself as I eat alone yet again. Relieved but also slightly disappointed, I shove a handful of fries into my mouth. That relief quickly turns to panic when I realize he actually was looking at me, and he’s headed my way. Before I have the chance to finish chewing the ridiculous amount of food in my mouth, he has already reached my table. I freeze. “Hey,” he says. I smile (mouth closed of course) and give a small wave.
Instantly, a stream of thoughts run through my head. In less than 30 seconds, I have managed to convince myself that this guy has come over to my table (you know, the quiet, but delicately pretty girl sitting alone in the corner of the restaurant), because he is secretly in love with me and has been since freshman year. Finally, he is coming to confess his love to me. Our wedding will be in the fall and it will be beautiful, small and intimate, because we don’t like to flaunt all the money we make at our fancy corporate jobs. We will vacation every year somewhere exotic -- I’m thinking first trip to Thailand, no, maybe Fiji, either way, it will all be lavish and wonderful. We will live happily ever after in a beach house and have a cat, or maybe two. Ah yes, my life is now a movie.
My face gets flushed at these thoughts, and I instantly start sweating. “Uh, is someone using this chair?” he asks. I start choking as I simultaneously swallow the food and my dreams of living happily ever after. “Oh, my, are you okay?” he asks, concerned. The heat continues to rise to my face and my heart starts beating faster. I go to reach for my water, in hopes that it will help, but of course I spill the entire cup all over him. Classic. I finally swallow the food and I manage to somehow say “Oh my God, I am so sorry!” Of course he says “It’s no big deal,” takes some napkins, wipes off his shoes, grabs the chair and places it at his table. Two minutes later, his girlfriend shows up and sits down.
I have been single for over a year, and I still can’t manage to play it cool when a guy comes to talk to me. I always end up saying something super uncomfortable like, “Yes, I would love to go out with you!” when they didn’t even ask, or, you know, just trip and fall on my face when I wasn’t even moving. Trying to find a decent guy to date is a challenge in itself, then add in being extremely awkward and clumsy, and it becomes nearly impossible.
To all the other hopeless romantic awkward girls out there, I FEEL YOUR PAIN. But, I have faith that someday, it will work out. Or it won’t, and in that case I’ll adopt three cats.
