Everybody talks about how distance doesn’t mean the friendship is any less valid. People say that it’s a special relationship and that it only makes it more exciting when you get to see them. They say that having somebody to Facetime with is great, and that a long distance pal can give unbiased advice and will still always be there. People always try to make it seem like it’s no big deal and that it is full of countless perks. What they don’t tell you is that it can be completely terrifying and extremely upsetting.

When you’re first saying goodbye, you try your hardest to hold yourself together, but part of your life is getting taken away from you. Maybe they will still be there, but it is never going to be the same. If it is, it’s only for a short amount of time. You both will say that, “It’s not goodbye, it’s see you later.” But how long is later? A year? Two years? A decade? You will be left with that constant wonder of when you will be able to watch a movie sitting with your favorite person, or be able to take funny pictures, get ice cream, have a dance party, or hear their laugh in person. You will be left with the knowledge that there is a possibility you will never see them again. You will think about all your experiences that they won’t be around for. And it’s devastating.

When they are gone, you have to watch everybody else with their best friends. You try to include yourself but something is missing; your own best friend. You will watch them move on with their life, because that’s what they need to do, but it’s rough because you’re left with only memories. You’ll be jealous of their new friends. You’ll be jealous of your own friends who still have their best friend beside them. It hurts. You don’t want it to. You want to be happy: sometimes you are, but at the same time, you will ache.

When something bad happens in their life, you’ll hate that you aren’t there to help. Sure you can text, but that’s never the same. When your friend is hurt, it will hurt you too and leave you wondering if something would have been different if you would have been there. You’ll tell yourself you’re not to blame, but it will still be hard.

There are times when your separate lives get in the way of talking. Texts are forgotten, Facetimes can’t be scheduled, and before you know it, it’s been a month since you last spoke. You know it’s nobody’s fault but you sometimes you will blame yourself, other times you will blame them, hoping it will make it easier, but it’s not, because you’re not mad: it just sucks.

Years may pass, and ends will meet, and you’ll get to see them again. You count the hours. You plan for months. You think about all the adventures. You build up an excitement, because for a little while, the happiest place on earth is where your best friend is. You’ll try to make up for lost time. You will pick up where you left off. But you had to leave again. You don’t want to think about it; you want to live in the moment, but you know that time is coming. You’re going to say goodbye again and it’s going to hurt the same as before, and the process will start all over. It’s cruel.

However, it’s worth it. All the ups and downs, drifting away and coming back together, waiting and wondering, it is all worth it. Your friendship is more important than the distance, and if you want it to work, it will.