I want everyone to understand, whether they knew you or not, that you were the kind of person that they would love. Everyone would love you, it’s hard not to. I am such a distant character in your life, but I think that it's crucial that this kind of point of view is seen. Not just here, but always. I hope that what I have to say about you matters to the people who read this. I understand that there are too many thoughts and feelings that can’t be connected to words. This isn't my attempt to make sense of anything, it's just a story. If you will.

I want to start this story a few years ago, but it requires some exposition, so I’ll keep it short. My friend Sam had been staying with us for a while. Sam was a part of the music scene in the city, she introduced me to what I now see to be a huge part of my life. The relationship I had just ended was suffocating to say the least, but for the sake of this story all you need to know is that he was not okay with me going to shows. I think that should do it for an introduction, so here goes nothing.

Days after the breakup, Sam took me to Battle of the Bands. I remember the smell of sweat and the fog machine as it filled The Black Sheep, and I was so stoked to be a part of it. For the rest of high school, I spent many nights crammed into small venues with kids that I didn’t know what to say too. One of which was Andrew. He always seemed to be in control, in some way. Like, everyone wanted to talk to Andrew, and Andrew carried everyone’s weight, he was the backbone of the music scene. He definitely wasn’t the kind of guy that I thought he was, I regret to say that I thought he was, seriously, an a**hole. (Spoiler: he wasn’t).

I remember the image that I had of Andrew shattered the night that he walked my best friend, Jessica, and I back to my car, he thanked us for coming and invited us to hang out sometime. We talked about the gesture for a while, nobody had ever taken the time to really talk to us in “the scene” before. We decided to follow up on his offer one night, we ended up hanging out with him and a couple of his friends. I say “hanging out”, but it was actually one of the most ridiculous nights of my life. We ended up driving to Walmart to buy a bunch of melons, Mentos, and Pepsi. It’s pretty easy to guess what happened from there, but for the sake of story-telling, I’ll make it more vivid for you. We took our "groceries" with us to a church with way too high of a roof. I thought, “there’s no way we’re going to climb that”, we did. I had bruises to show for it. After we dropped melons off of the roof and made a mess with the soda, we climbed down. I had the impression it was time to leave, but Andrew decided that 1:00 am is the perfect time to play aggressive whiffle-ball in a church parking lot, it was. I had more bruises to show for it.

This was just one of the few times that I was lucky enough to spend time with Andrew. Jessica and I moved shortly after that night, the most we kept in touch with everyone was just a few messages every now and then on Facebook. After we moved, I started feeling frustrated with the music scene and wanted nothing to do with it. I cut ties with the people involved in it and I decided that it wasn’t the place for me anymore. I can’t exactly pinpoint what made me feel that way, and it’s not worth trying to explain. All that is relevant here is that I regret it. I wish I would have talked to people about how I felt rather than just ignoring it, but there’s no use in putting energy into regret.

Earlier this year I moved back home for reasons not worth mentioning. I started rebuilding the bridges that I had burned and started going to shows again. My boyfriend had a lot to do with this, so thanks Gabe. I’m so thankful for you and all that you’ve done for me. When I came back, Andrew was still there, he was still the foundation. It’s so crucial that I mention that he never showed me an ounce of disrespect especially when I deserved it. Not many people are willing to forgive those who make brash decisions to cut others off the way I did. I never realized how much I missed that community, I’m so grateful that the last time I saw Andrew was just days ago rather than a year ago.

The last time I got to talk to Andrew was the day before everything went downhill. I asked him if he’d been okay, and he said “I’m fine. Thank you.” I wish I would have said more, but I had no idea what was about to happen. Nobody had any idea what was about to happen. Andrew, you taught so many of us what passion was. You impacted so many people while you were here, nothing will ever be the same without you. From a very distant friend, your life meant a great deal to me. I can promise that nobody will ever let you be forgotten.