There's so many red flags out there, and honestly, I'm not a stranger to ignoring red flags. So rather than listing you the dozens of red flags you should look for, I decided to write about green flags versus red flags. Things that if you notice them, they're signs that they could be a great partner for you and you should consider keeping them in your life. And although I'm primarily talking about romantic relationships, these signs can also work for platonic relationships or sexual relationships too. Rather than looking at things you should avoid, maybe we should all start looking at good signs. Of course, avoiding red flags like never showering, or doesn't put effort into conversation. The good flags are just as important, and these are a couple green flags that you should definitely jump on board of.
1. You'll be okay without them.
This one may seem weird. I'm not talking about disinterest, I'm not talking about they're boring and you don't want to be with them but you're lonely so you settle. I'm talking that despite the like, the attraction, the love you have, at the very end of the day, you could leave. And they'd be okay with it. Heartbroken, but if your partner can stomach the fact that things happen, I think it's a huge green flag. As much as all of us want the person we're dating right now to be our one and only, or "the one" you have to at the end of the day, always be okay by yourself. If your partner understands this, loves you deeply anyways yet also understands that things can change, I feel like you've found a great person to date.
2. They don't give into you all the time.
Never agreeing with you isn't okay. But I think it's the opposite of a green flag to have someone who agrees with you all of the time... or has the exact same desires, beliefs, and interests. It's cool to explore, and if they seem to be perfect well, there's usually a more sinister reason to put up that kind of front.
3. Honesty. You, as well as them, are most committed to being honest with each other.
And when I say honesty, I mean it. Not the kind of honesty that hurts necessarily (a guy who tells you you're fat is not what we're aiming for here) but the kind of honesty that can hurt if the truth hurts. But the kind that is willing to break up with you if they can't meet your boundaries.
For a long time, I don't think I had people really tell me the truth. Sometimes, when you get upset, you want that person to cave in and immediately agree with you, beg for forgiveness and appease you just because society told you that because you're upset, that you're justified. Honesty is the difference between you getting mad over your partner having a friend over and them telling you that it's unreasonable to be upset over that, and potentially doing something dumb and mean versus them just giving into you and sticking themselves in an unhealthy relationship.
You deserve honesty, and your partner does too.
4. You can live together. (Or could, in the future).
People can certainly teach their partners how to live with another person, but honestly, you shouldn't have to. Healthy relationships mean boundaries, it means working in your busy schedules to make time for each other and huge green flag if you could live with this person. Do they have clean and healthy habits? Is their room clean? If they have roommates, do they respect other people and communal living spaces? Do they do their laundry and wash their sheets weekly?
If you can envision yourself living with them, that's a huge green flag. A lot of the time, I view moving in together as a catalyst for the relationship. Either you get sped up to a break up, or you get really close in ways you probably couldn't have if you didn't live with each other.
5. Clear boundaries, and the courage to enforce them.
Clear communication is a must. This goes hands and hand with honesty, but if someone isn't explicitly clear about their boundaries and their relationships or clear in communicating with you about it, time and time again, that's not a point of discussion. If someone can clearly communicate and be honest, open and vulnerable with you about important things, that's one of the most important aspects to any relationship. That's a strong foundation already.
Now establishing boundaries, as well as having the guts to be honest about them is the second part of this green flag. Having boundaries is important. Learning how to do them is hard, and can be a years long journey but what's most important in it is to be honest about what's making you uncomfortable or not. Staying true to these things and neither of you giving in for the other person is an important quality to have in a relationship, because compromise is one thing but forcing yourself to do something you actually don't want to do, is another.
Those are my 5 green flags to look for if you want a healthy relationship of any kind, really!