We have all heard the cliché statement, "My boyfriend is my best friend." Okay girl, and? I have absolutely no idea where in the books this was written to be considered the "norm" but I here to give you the cold hard truth: your boyfriend should not be your only best friend. I am not saying that he should not be as close to your heart as your best friend, but some lines should not be crossed and for a good reason too.
1. Why do you go to for advice if your best friend is the person you need advice about?
In both relationships and friendships, conflicts are bound to occur. I mean it's normal, we don't always agree on everything. So, imagine getting into a huge fight with your significant other? You make your dramatic exit with a loud door slam, tears in your eyes, and absolutely no one to turn to. Why? Because the person you usually turn during difficult times is the same person who just broke your heart five minutes ago. "Because when you get into arguments, you have no one else to go and talk to so you have to hold it all in," says Katelyn Sherrillo, Junior at Broward College. We all know holding in our emotions is not healthy which is why we should separate our boyfriend and best friend.
2. Surrounding yourself with new friends allows for personal growth.
As college students, we are all continuously growing to become the best versions of ourselves. With all this growth comes different places to travel, more food, endless adventures, more mistakes to be made, lessons to be learned, and of course new friends! Thus, allowing your significant other to be your only best friend leads to the destruction of your chance to blossom. In the end, you are only preventing each other from molding into better versions of yourself. Of course, two people in a relationship can grow together, but they must also grow with others to discover the kind of person they want to be.
3. A boyfriend and best friend wrapped into one can be a lot of pressure
We all have this expectation of how our significant other should be. We also have an expectation of how our best friend should be. Imagine having the overwhelming burden of having to meet BOTH those expectations. The pressure to continually provide laughter, happiness, and support as a significant other and as a best friend is draining. We all have bad days and good days, and no one is perfect so to expect that much from someone is not only dangerous but selfish. "I love my girlfriend, but I'm happy she has her best friends to turn to because sometimes I'm going through things and I can't always support her when I need to support myself," says Macklin Harper, Sophomore at Broward College.
4. Miss Independent becomes Mrs. Dependent.
"You become super dependent on them, I feel like you sort of lose yourself and your identity when your significant others become your ONLY best friend" Ally Lalonde, Sophomore at Florida State University shares with me. Having someone constantly there as both a significant other and a best friend can be comforting, but it can also become self-destructing. The two of you are so involved in one another that you forget what it is like to stand alone. You were two separate people before you met. Therefore, it's essential to separate your significant other from your best friend to ensure you don't lose sight of that.
5. It means double the heartache.
"Because when or if you end up breaking up, you will feel ten times more depressed and there may not be anyone else there for you that you feel close to," says Calista Flores, Sophomore at Florida State University. No matter which way you look at it, breakups are hard. So, if your significant other is also your only best friend and the two of you do not work out the way you wanted, I hate to break it to you, but that is double the heartbreak, pain, and loss. I cannot stress how hard this is to go through because I too once made the mistake of letting my boyfriend be my only best friend. Who do you turn to when the person you always turned to is no longer in your life? No one, and the feeling of loneliness through a situation like this is something no one should overcome alone.
6. Girls just wanna have fun.
Melina Bryant, Sophomore at Broward College says, "When they care about you a lot they can almost be like your parent and scold you for things you don't want to be scolded for." Like Cyndi Lauper says, "oh girls just wanna have fun!" And boys do too! Your significant other never wants to see you in trouble so they will always push you to do the right thing. Meanwhile, your best friends are always looking for the next crazy adventure to take on together, even if it may be a bad idea. It's essential to ensure you have other best friends other than your significant other to find a balance between the two.
7. Too much of something can decrease its value.
The feeling of missing someone immensely and seeing them for the first time in a long time is an irreplaceable moment of pure joy. Distance does make the heart go fonder. In other words, girls give your man some time with the boys. Boys, I promise one afternoon with her girls won't result in them convincing her to find another boyfriend. Space is a good thing. Do you remember the first time you and your significant other said the L word, yes, I mean the big "I love you!" Me too! It was my freshman year of high school in the north building outside the hallway of my Geometry class. No one ever forgets the first time. I'm not saying the other times you've exchanged a sweet "I love you" wasn't special but nothing compares to the very first time and hearing those three words and eight words for the first time after some time apart, makes you appreciate them more. Too much of something results in the decrease of its value so giving each other time with your other best friends is healthy and will only strengthen the bond between the two of you.
8. Best friends don't sugarcoat sh*t.
Lets' face it, your significant other is almost always on your side, even if you're in the wrong! On the other hand, your best friend is not afraid to hurt your feelings. They will tell you the mistakes you've made without hesitation. It's not that your significant other is afraid to be honest with you, they just have the natural instinct always to defend you regardless of the circumstances. Sometimes, however, we need another pair of ears to give you a second opinion. Stacey Rodriguez, Sophomore at Palm Beach State College says "My best friends don't sugarcoat shi*t while my boyfriend just wants me to be happy so he will be on my side no matter what. I think someone who plays both roles struggles a lot with which truth to give which is why I don't think your significant other should be your only best friend."
I know love can have a tremendous impact on our lives that may lead us to believe that if we don't make our significant other our entire world they might leave us but that is not the way love works. Love is selfless and free. Love is understanding that you must grow individually before growing together. So, let one person be your best friend, and another person can be your significant other. Let us get rid of this norm that our significant other must be our only best friend. We live in a big world filled with endless possibilities so two people can separately accomplish extraordinary things to eventually, one day, come together to make something beautiful.
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