Don't get me wrong, I am not scarred for life due to having divorced parents. I understand why my parents are divorced and am not upset with them for being divorced. However, I think and do things differently than those who do not have divorced families. It is great having such big, expanded families, but it is a mix of emotions. The way I act and the way I think have been greatly altered due to my experience and struggle with having divorced parents. Some are positive, and others are negative.
1. Waking up and forgetting where you are.
All my life, I have gone back and forth between my mother's house, father’s house and grandparents’ houses. Then, there are times I am at neither. When I wake up, I have to remind myself where I am at.
2. Questioning what to say and not to say.
My parents are divorced, and we don't do things as a family. When I want to tell my mother what a blast I had with my father and his new wife, or when I explain to my father what I did last weekend with my mother and stepfather, it is seen as competition. I have to filter everything I say, so no feelings get hurt, which means I can't include my parents together in conversations.
3. You end up hating holidays.
Not only do I have my mother and father's separate holiday, I have their spouses' holiday to go to. That is four holidays in four different locations! Then, there is the worry that they have them on the same day at the same time. Feelings get hurt because it is as if you are choosing one family over the other, and then, you have that guilty pit in your stomach all holiday long. Not to mention that deep hole in your wallet having to buy double the gifts!
4. Sports become tiring and not due to practice!
I missed my sixth grade championship softball game. I did not get my trophy or anything because it was my father’s weekend. Once you get older, about high school age, it does not matter too much because you are old enough to decide, but until then, forget it. When you do have games and both parents come, they sit on opposite sides of the bleachers.
5. The dread of Grandparent's Day or any parental holiday.
Well let’s see, can I invite four sets of grandparents? I have both parents plus their spouses’ parents. The stress of deciding who to invite is so overwhelming, you just show up grandparent-less. Then, on Father's Day and Mother's Day, you have to make double the crafts, so none of your stepparents get offended. As I get older, I just double everything now without even thinking.
6. The struggle of introducing your boyfriend or girlfriend.
Well, good luck with that, especially if they have married parents. All the extra names and people, the two different introductions, forget it. Always correcting them and answering the same questions, like, “Which grandparents are those?” Then, trying to add your family with their family, there is no such thing as a sit-down dinner with both parents. Oh, do not forget, your wedding! Deciding where everyone will sit, making sure your mother and father sit far, far away from each other. Oh, which father is going to walk me down the aisle? It has gotten to the point where if the person I want to date doesn't seem to understand my family map, I just save the trouble and stay single.
7. Prom, graduation and every other event is extra stressful
They will never sit together or do things together ever. If they are forced to sit together, it is awkward and painfully silent. It is extra stressful and causes any simple event to become a huge ball of stress. The moment I hear "invite" or "event," my mind races to figure out how both families can come and not be awkward.
8. The distance makes you great during car rides!
My parents live miles away and in different time zones! Hours of car rides, mixing up the time changes and weekends spent away from friends. However, I am the expert at car rides; I know all the cool road games and mastered sleeping in the backseat.
9. Negative thoughts and feelings.
I overthink everything I read and hear. I question everything I am told, no matter how simple it is. I remember everything, and I remember every feeling I have ever had. I am needy in relationships because I was always being tossed around. Having such a separated family makes me want a stable environment.
10. I am always the control freak!
No matter what it is in, I always need to be in control. I want to know everything, and I hate not knowing and surprises. I have had enough of people deciding things for me. I need to be in control now, which makes any sort of relationship hard.
