Who are you? I can tell you who I am.
I am a simple yet complicated dreamer. I am an open book with a few pages torn out, for there are some parts of my story I don’t tell many people. I am outgoing, but I can be equally as shy. I can be funny and confident, or sad and discouraged.
A few of my close friends can agree with those statements. Others simply take out the bad parts because they don’t see the real me behind the jokes, the laughter, and the outgoingness. It’s easy to think you know who people are. You certainly see some of their fine characteristics, but you never see the broken pieces.
Sometimes passing judgment on who we have figured people to be causes problems. I have noticed that some people just really don’t know me as deeply, and therefore, cannot detect certain moods of mine. Most people only see the happy-go-lucky version and expect it at all hours of the day. So naturally, anytime I am not cracking jokes or smiling, they assume the worst. Then, there becomes a repeated phrase: “Demi, what’s wrong?” “Nothing.” “There has to be something wrong. You aren’t being yourself.”
Oh, don’t we all just love those moments
I’m told that when I am not smiling, I either look really angry or really sad. But in all honesty, I am usually just super zoned out or focusing on the task I need to complete.
It’s easy to get wrapped into what others think of us. It’s easy to listen so much to them that we feel like we have to be that way all of the time.
I have a friend who is one of the most caring, sweetest people I have ever met. She is a very straight forward individual, so a lot of people don’t think so highly of her. After being thrown into this idea, she has given up on trying to show her real side, and just gives them what they want to see.
Isn’t that so easy to do? We get tired of trying to explain ourselves. We eventually just give in to who everyone thinks we are and act that way. After awhile, this, too, becomes exhausting.
I came to a realization this week about myself. I had a crush on a friend of mine for about two months. Every time I saw him, I thought I had to be on in order to grab his attention. I was scared that if I wasn’t my funniest each time I saw him, he wouldn’t pay attention to me. At the end of the day, I look back on moments like that and reflect on how the situation went. This week, I reflected on all of the situations with this guy that I could think of. I noticed a pattern. In trying to impress him, I acted completely against the girl that I am. In simple words, I said really stupid things that I would never say to anyone else. I became this fake person because I was scared to show the broken parts of me. Honestly, the faker I was, the more that I exposed about myself, and doing this made me show those broken pieces in the wrong manner.
Maybe none of this has applied to you. Let’s look at a different way. In the mornings, how good do you try to make yourself look before walking out the door? I don’t care if you got up 10 minutes before you needed to leave- you, usually, still want to look the best you can. Today, I threw my hair up in a ponytail after my second class because it was just one of those days. I assume that when my hair is up, I look completely bald. Thus, this was the first time in maybe a year (while at college) that I have worn it up in public. Not even 20 minutes later, I regretted the decision. I came to the conclusion that my hair hated me today and just wasn’t going to look good regardless. A thought came into my head through this: Demi, you don’t have to be on all the time. Hmm, isn’t that convenient. Here’s what I mean:
We are told we have to look our best all the time. I personally have this thought of “oh, well you never know when you will meet a potential partner, so you better look your best.” (Please judge me people.) Today wasn’t an exception. I immediately took down my hair because I didn’t want to not look my best. I wanted to make sure that people thought I never looked bad or whatever.
The truth is, we don’t have to be on all the time. We don’t have to compromise to this standard of always being our best. Sometimes, we aren’t in a happy-go-lucky mood. Sometimes, you just really don’t want your hair down, or you don’t want to dress up.
Walk out of your house in sweatpants if you want. Have a messy hair day. Be happy without forcing a smile. Regardless of what others tell you, it is okay to not be your best at every hour of every day. Honestly, that is tiring. Show who you really are behind all of the makeup and fake smiles, and do not be ashamed of that person.
