I was listening to a morning talk show on my drive to work when a woman called in with a relationship problem that she was having. Her boyfriend of over two years proposed to her. It was perfect, romantic, and sincere, everything she had dreamed of. Except for one slight problem, there was no ring.
A few days after saying “yes,” to her one true love, she finally mustered up the courage to ask about the elephant in the room – Where’s the ring? It turns out there was no ring because according to her fiancé, rings are stupid and a waste of money and it would be better to save for a new house.
As I drove down the freeway, listening intently, I gasped out loud in shock. I was outraged. no ring? This man, whoever he is, clearly does not understand how important engagement rings are.
This poor woman exclaimed how she was not sure if she could be with him without a ring and that she was even thinking about leaving him if he did not get her one. The callers started calling in saying that the woman was being ridiculous for being upset. It is just a ring and that it is not necessary, what is important is their love.
I started realizing that maybe her fiancé had a point. Why do engagement rings matter?
It turns out that engagement rings were actually invented as a scheme for a rich man to become an even richer man. The diamond company, De Beers, had a monopoly on the world’s diamond supply, so they started convincing people to buy diamond engagement rings in the late 1930s. They created advertisements that convinced men that they needed to get a diamond engagement ring for their fiancée to show their love. The number of women who received engagement rings grew immensely because of this. 1
If this does not ruin the beautiful tradition for you, there is even more to think about. Why don’t men wear engagement rings? An engagement ring clearly identifies a woman as taken. Very few men would be daring enough to hit on a woman with a big rock on her finger. Yet, engaged men wander the world, free and unidentified as belonging to another. This is starting to sound like a double standard to me.
The double standard works the other way too. Men are expected to spend literally thousands of dollars to show a woman that they love her and that they want to spend their life with her. That sounds a bit ridiculous to me. I work hard for my money and I know my future fiancé will work hard for his, but I won’t have to spend money on him just to say, “I love you.”
Not everyone even fits into these engagement practices. The definition of marriage is changing, for the better. Gay and lesbian couples and people who choose not to identify as a gender don’t fall into the traditional roles of engagement rings. They are still just as engaged if they choose not to have rings or if they both want to wear rings.
Despite all of this, I can’t imagine getting engaged without the ring I have been dreaming of since I was a young girl. I have been singing every word to “Love Story,” by Taylor Swift since I was in seventh grade. That song would not be the same without its most iconic line: “He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said, ‘Marry me, Juliet, you'll never have to be alone.'”
I think when it comes down to it, engagement rings should not be expected, but they should be a personal choice. If you and your fiancé like the tradition, then get a ring. I just don’t think it should be considered strange to see an engaged woman not wearing an engagement ring. Hopefully, the woman on the radio and her fiancé realize this and come to a compromise. It would be sad if a relationship ended over something as materialistic as a diamond.
