Relationships are hard, and they can get messy. It's not easy to be kind or loving when you feel disrespected and devalued. You may have even lost hope in love altogether. But don't give up on love! Don't give up on you.

Other people's actions and reactions do not determine your worth. And if you are doing the best you can in a relationship--if you are truly putting your all in (remember to evaluate your own part and take responsibility)--then be proud of you.

It's also important to remember that the person you are in a relationship with is human--not a robot--and is capable of making mistakes. So value him or her for that! But sometimes the best way to respect yourself and that other person is to let that other person, let him or her discover themselves again while you go out and find yourself too.

So how do you handle your relationship mess? Do you have someone to talk to? You should. But someone who knows you, wants the best for you and encourages love. So here's a story for you: a text conversation between two friends who are there for each other when relationships get real.

"Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing."

- I Thessalonians 5:11

PART 1: The Confession

Friend 1: [...] is disrespecting me;

I am losing hope in relationships.

[...] tells me he/she loves me, then focuses

All his/her attention on someone else…

I need to walk away.

Friend 2: I suggest thinking about it for a few days,

pulling back, and then deciding.

Friend 1: I cried last night,

because it hurts so much.

Friend 2: Okay, well then if you break it off,

remember to be kind. Appreciate him/her, but let [...] know you need

someone all in. [...] needs to find out what he/she needs and wants.

You just have to cry your heart out with God every day.

Friend 1: I have gone through hell these last few years...

Friend 2: It’s okay to lose hope in a person being with you,

just don’t lose hope in God’s unconditional love.

Friend 1: I don’t know anymore.

Friend 2: But [...] will not change for you,

doesn’t matter how awesome you are.

Friend 1: No, [ ... ] won’t change for anyone.

Friend 2: That is [...]’s loss.

Friend 1: [...] is selfish I think.

Friend 2: Yes.

Friend 1: I don’t know how I’m gonna break it off…

Okay. I’m going to do [...].

Friend 2: Okay. And I’m not gonna tell you that it’s gonna be okay,

‘cause it won’t feel that way; and I’m not gonna say it won’t hurt like hell,

but I can tell you it’s the right thing.

And God has the best in store for those who wait on Him.

"The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord."

- Lamentations 3: 25-26

PART 2: The Crash

Friend 1: We will see.

Friend 2: God’s letting you know [...] is not the best for you.

At least now.

Friend 1: I honestly am starting to believe there

is no such thing as true love at all.

There’s a lot of things I am starting not to believe in.

Friend 2: Your pain is so deep it almost

wants to consume you. I’m so sorry.

Friend 1: It’s okay. I am really use to this pain.

It’s like I’m numb at this point.

Friend 2: I know you are strong,

but you are also precious.

And every feeling you have is valuable.

Friend 1: I think I need to focus on me.

Friend 2: Yes! And remember that love is not determined

by other people.

Friend 1: I just don’t like how much [...] gave me so much hope

then I find he/she is focusing on someone else.

I am the one who has been there for him/her emotionally, in his/her

ups and downs. I feel like an idiot.

Friend 2: People are just often confused,

about themselves, messed up inside. And you’re not an idiot.

Friend 1: I won’t see that [...] hasn’t been there for me.

Friend 2: You are so unique for being so loving and vulnerable.

Friend 1: ...but I can’t say as much as I have here.

Friend 2: I always feel that way.

Eventually you won’t blame yourself.

And you’ll value yourself for your ability to love.

And when you do you won’t feel numb.

Friend 1: I just knew I shouldn’t have given [...] a chance,

because I would fall in love.

Friend 2: You learned so much though.

You need to pour out your feelings into something.

Friend 1: Yeah, I learned not to trust again.

I learned not to give [men or women] in general

a chance. I think I’m on this planet to love people but not

to commit, if that makes sense.

Friend 2: It’s okay if you lose trust in [...] because [...] has lost it

and hasn’t earned it, but [...] is not every [guy or girl], person, or you.

Love is a commitment, a choice. So you commit

every day actually. No one you’ve met realizes how to do that yet.

Friend 1: I feel like we both committed. [..]

literally talks to me every day.

Friend 2: Talking is easy.

Friend 1: Like who does that? Why waste my time?

Friend 2: There is a difference between loving someone

and caring if they love you back.

Friend 1: [...] is so sweet, and I know [...] is emotionally damaged.

I thought [...] would have learned from previous break ups but I guess not.

Friend 2: You and I love people; it’s a choice. But that

doesn’t mean we have to be in a romantic unequal relationship.

It’s not on you, it’s on [...].

Friend 1: I have always had toxic relationships. This

is the first time I actually felt I was in something pure.

I guess it was a joke. I am not going to wait for [...].

Friend 2: I’ve felt the same, but I realized

it was not all me. I had my part, but I was willing to work through it.

But I needed time to work on myself, to be

the best I can be for God, His plan...and well for me.

"Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves."

- Romans 12:10

PART 3: The Acknowledgment

Friend 1: Yes. You know what’s funny...they

all eventually come back to you.

Friend 2: And if we spend lots of time working on ourselves,

we have the time to be patient.

And [...] will. But you will say, “we need this time apart.”

And maybe [...] will come back,

and it will be right this time, but for now...

Friend 1: Yeah, that’s why. I am going

to give [...] space.

Friend 2: And create a period of silence.

Because [...] obviously needs it.

Friend 1: I think we need time apart because [...] is emotionally

destroyed and so am I.

And if we are meant to be, then we will be.

Friend 2: I am with you.

And I don’t think you realize how special you are

For being so self aware and selfless right now

And being so self-respecting at the same time.

What a [man or woman] you are.

Friend 1: Hopefully I have the strength to tell [...]

Friend 2: I don’t doubt you.

Friend 1: So I will let [...] know how disrespected I feel, and that I am

no option. I know what I want and don’t want.

Friend 2: But you do believe in hope! But let me ask you a

Question: what do you see as the source of true love?

If your foundation for that belief is on something that

fails then how can you sustain a faith in its quality and promise?

How can you trust it? So the only way to have an everlasting

hope and faith in true love is to believe the source of true love

itself is impenetrable and fulfills itself.

So when God says, “I am Love. I AM who I AM. My love

Is unconditional,” He is saying, “I am an uncompromising, unfailing,

and insurmountable,

tangible and realized expression of true love, and

I am completely reliable. I am unshakeable and when I say

I love you, I will never forsake you.”

If you are basing your belief in true love on the fulfillment

of a human relationship, it will fail. You have seen it many times.

But when Christ who is unfailing is the rock, the center,

the continuous river of a relationship, then even flawed,

failing human beings can stick together

forever. By choice and the belief in commitment no matter what.

Friend 1: You are so right.

Friend 2: When you talk to [...], remember to acknowledge the good

things [...] has done and to show appreciation. Don’t let your hurt

control the love you show. But then you must let [...] know that

you are worthy of true, unconditional love. And so you must part so [...]

can figure out what [...] wants ‘cause you already know what

you want and deserve.

Christ already offers you a fully loving relationship

That no [man or woman] can ever fulfill. A [man or woman]

can only fulfill it the best [he/she] can when [he/she] embraces

and believes in love already.

Friend 1: That just made me cry, because it is true.

Friend 2: It made me cry too. I had to realize that I already

had true love in Christ. It’s just hard to see it sometimes.

Friend 1: I just feel I am going through the same thing

as I did with my ex. And looked for Christ, yet why do I feel

Like He lets me down sometimes? I cried and prayed to not get hurt

...I don’t know.

Friend 2: Maybe you are. But are they [men or women] that don’t

understand the nature of true love? No one can give

true love if they don’t know what it is in the first place. It’s a choice.

And the truth is Christ doesn’t promise you won’t get hurt;

He just promised that He’ll bring good out of all the humanly

flawed crap that happens in your life.

Free will is a thing. And God can’t force [...] to believe in

Something [he/she] can’t or doesn’t want to.

Friend 1: I guess.

Friend 2: But God knows this, so He has allowed this to happen

So you can move on from something that is not best for you,

and you can experience true love.

Friend 1: I don’t know if that’s true anymore.

I thought the same thing before, and I feel like I am

back in the same situation. I know I deserve the best but

I don’t think I deserve love at this point.

Friend 2: That’s okay! You don’t have to believe me. I only

tell you, because I know the pain of all this and

finally understand the truth of Christ’s love, and it is the

best thing to ever happen to me.

Love is never deserved or earned; it is unconditional.

“And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord�s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge� that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."

Ephesians 3:17-19

Part 4: The Acceptance

Friend 1: I know you are. I am sorry

I am being stubborn.

Friend 2: No you are not. You are so human, and I love it.

Friend 1: I just hate that I opened my heart, and now I feel like

It’s back in it’s cave to be the rock it was before.

Friend 2: You feel lots of love so you aren’t a rock at all!

You just feel like no one will ever return the river of love

You offer so it seems best to hide it away to protect it.

It is good to guard your heart, to test people

before you give it to them. But you can’t put the burden

of someone else’s insecurities on you.

Friend 1: I guess.

Friend 2: You know it’s true. Like I happen to be at

a point where I finally accepted it as true. It’s very real, but you

have to knock down a few lies in order to accept it.

Friend 1: I have to just close my heart and not love right now.

That’s what I really need. I need to focus on my temple, on me.

Friend 2: Yes, allow time to heal. Love yourself !

That’s what I’m doing.

Friend 1: ...and be a better person. But I don’t think

I want to get married anymore.

I have thought this through a lot.

Friend 2: You can still love people in general,

just take time for yourself.

Friend 1: Yes.

Friend 2: I’m not gonna tell you what

your life will turn out to be but

never tell yourself you can’t do something.

You can do anything.

Friend 1: I agree.

Friend 2: You are above your pain. Your identity

is not your pain, is it?

It’s [...].

Friend 1: I don’t know who I am anymore.

Because I have worked my butt off,

and find myself nowhere.

Friend 2: You are not your pain,

you are all of your experiences,

and you are an overcomer. You are

completely loved by God.

Friend 1: I just need to reinvent myself,

if that makes sense.

Friend 2: It does! And I used to define myself

by my accomplishments and other peoples’

feelings toward me, but that only makes me

think, “who am I?”

Friend 1: That’s the plan!

Do you think I’m overreacting?

Friend 2: No. [...] is afraid, because [...] thinks [he/she]

can’t live up to the standard you set.

That’s all [...] though. All in [his/her] head.

You can’t baby [her/him].

Friend 1: That’s so true.

It makes sense why [...] always wanted

to break it off or something…

Sorry for putting all this on you.

Friend 2: Don’t apologize. I live my life to love

no matter how much people tell me to give up on it,

and I refuse to give into hopelessness. So loving you

right now is the best experience; I live for it!

[...] chooses to not believe that [he/she] can be better,

and that’s for [...] to decide. [...] is

defining [him/herself] by [his/her] pain

and what other people have done to [him/her]

But your identity is separate from those things. So that’s

What you need to do...go out and love yourself

no matter what. And if you make a mistake say,

“Okay I see that, But Lord, I believe in what You are

doing in me, and You have something

amazing in store for me.”

Friend 1: I need that.

Friend 2: In my life right now, God is teaching me

To love myself no matter what and to turn to Him for

Encouragement instead of beating myself up when I do

Something wrong or someone else does.

You should too!

Friend 1: I tried doing that, and I feel

like I failed.

Friend 2: It feels amazing to believe in my flawed self.

I have failed in that department so many times.

Friend 1: I am so tired of crying.

I have cried for years, and I am over it.

Friend 2: I just happen to finally trust in God’s love

this time. To choose it this time, to believe it.

That’s what I did too.

I cried for well... nearly my whole life.

Friend 1: Sounds about right.

Friend 2: No need to cry anymore! You are ready

for restoration and love, and this is

the time for you to accept it.

Since you are ready, it will happen soon.

Friend 1: You are right.

Friend 2: And I mean loving yourself first.

And... do you believe truly that your

parents love you unconditionally?

Friend 1: Yes.

Friend 2: Good! I had to learn that too.

And if they don’t, your Father in heaven does. You

must accept the fact that Christ loves you unconditionally

and then you must choose to love yourself.

Friend 1: Never saw it that way.

And honestly, I’ve lost my faith.

Friend 2: ...and then love other people. And then someone will

come along who has to earn his/her way into your heart.

Ah, I understand. I believed and doubted

at the same time, but I had to finally let go.

And I’m telling you this, because it truly is the best

Thing to ever happen to me, to decide to believe

In God’ true love. I’m not kidding or trying to

persuade you or anything.

From the bottom of my broken heart,

I actually feel His love. It is within me.

And it is unlike anything else. I can’t describe it to you.

But I can only tell you that because of it, I love you so much.

Friend 1: I understand, believe me. You

made me tear up. I love you too.

Friend 2: It’s a privilege to know your heart.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away."

-1 Corinthians 13:4-8

This story may apply to you, or it may not. But you should always know that you are loved and valued. Remember to forgive others and yourself, and to believe in love. Relationship are the greatest blessing on earth, and although they break and crumble, they are always worth it. Everyone is lost at some point in their lives, but...

"[Jesus] came to seek and to save the lost.” - Luke 19:10

Believe in every broken person and trust that God will restore him/her in His own timing. You may not be around for it, but that's okay. Sometimes the greatest act of love and respect is to let them go to find their own journey. Be at peace that the best is yet to come.

To be continued...