I feel like I am drowning.

I can’t, I can’t speak.

Every ounce of blood in my veins is rushing, spiraling in circles trying to escape but it just won't give.

I can’t stop shaking because I can’t stop crying because I can’t stop…

It's that point when you have absolutely no clue what you are supposed to be doing.

Right?

You’re supposed to have your whole life figured out.

I told everyone I did. I was the person who knew exactly what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be and I have no clue what any of it is anymore.

The only thing I know is my religion; I have a God that is outstanding and is making me stronger every day.

I can feel it.

I went back to the gym for the first time in a month. I've felt like complete shit, actually have gained no weight but still felt like I had a bomb go off inside of me and stay attached to my body.

Going to the gym after a month and trying to do the elliptical for 30 minutes isn’t my idea of a “happy day at the gym" and there was no thought in my mind that I would even be able to make it.

20 minutes came around and I was dead.

I had to get off, my heart was beating some weird way and I kept feeling something in my chest I hadn’t before.

My headphones were blasting out Bethel music’s album, "We Will Not Be Shaken".

I kept going, slower & slower & finally closed my eyes & put my head down.

I told him I needed more energy. I told him I needed to improve; I needed to become more like him, I needed to break barriers like HE did, I needed to change my outlook and focus on making it like HIM, I needed to be brave and suddenly, I never had so much energy in my life.

I literally have never felt such a spurt before like this, not even in my music. What the fuck was this.

GOD. Freaking God & it was incredible.

He’s there through everything and even though I have no clue what I’m doing in life or anything, I know I’ve got him and that's all I will ever need.

I'm not sure where he’s taking me, but I don’t really care.