We’ve all been down that road before -- it’s dark, negative, and incredibly shallow. We see another girl tagged in a photo with the guy we’re crushing on and roll our eyes, see our ex boyfriend’s new girlfriend and think “he downgraded,” or we see the guy we used to hook up with comment on the girl from your English class’ new profile picture and scoff. In all instances, we protect our self-esteem and perhaps a bit of our confidence by saying, “She’s not even that pretty.”
“She’s not even that pretty.” Why do we say it? Is it even really necessary? We call out girls based on their looks because we crave some security -- we yearn for reassurance in desperation to feel like yes, we are still good enough. Maybe we even want to feel better. However, by consistently commenting and pointing out the flaws of girls we’re not-so-secretly jealous of for whatever reason, we transform into the mean girls walking the hall of every Clique novel.
We need to stop the cycle. It’s toxic -- for each of us personally and for our society -- to reinforce putting others down as a viable method to feed our confidence and self-worth. I repeat, we need to stop the cycle and these are ten reasons why:
1. It’s incredibly superficial.
When we were all just five years old, sitting in a circle on the carpeted floor of our kindergarten school, didn’t our teachers tell us, “Don’t judge a book by its cover”? As we grew up, did we abandon the philosophy to not base our primary judgement on the faces and bodies of others? We have grown up in a society where we are told not to judge based on looks, but all we see is that same shallow judgement being reinforced.
2. The confidence you feel isn’t real.
It’s under false pretenses. Instead of being confident because of your kick ass makeup or rocking the super cute romper you snagged on sale from Francesca’s, you’re only making yourself feel better at the expense of someone else. That kind of confidence is fake -- it is impure and ultimately, will lead to more self-doubt than self-assurance.
3. You’re directing your anger on the wrong person.
Sometimes when we say, “She’s not even that pretty,” we’re angry or hurt. We’re not angered by the girl in the photo -- she didn’t hurt us -- she doesn’t even know us. We are hurt by the boy who broke our heart, by the boy who left us high and dry, by the boy who doesn’t even know we exist. We feel the need to instantly be better than the new girl. Instead of being mad at him, we’re mad at her and automatically direct that concoction of madness and pain onto her. It isn’t fair and instead of rolling your eyes at her, realize it’s not really her fault.
4. It’s unhealthy.
Like I’ve mentioned, it’s a toxic cycle to put others down for your own personal benefit. It only reinforces negativity and the idea that our looks are a justifiable means of judgement of a person.
5. Imagine yourself in the same position.
Would you want someone judging you based on just your surface value? The next time you utter those words, consciously think about another girl stumbling across your photo and saying the same thing. It hurts, doesn’t it? Even if the girl you’re commenting on can’t hear you, it’s hurtful and creates an unnecessary grudge between you and someone you might not even know that well.
6. Build yourself up instead.
Instead of scrolling through her various social media posts to find another flaw or something that somehow makes her lesser than you are, focus on what makes you such a great individual. Look at your strengths. List your favorite personality traits. Illuminate yourself instead of dampening others’ light.
7. You know what they say about assumptions…
Assumptions make an ass out of “u” and me. We assume we might know something about her because she’s the new girl, the cool girl, whatever she may be -- we think we know her based off of her perfectly, or not-so-perfectly-filtered Instagram pictures. You don’t know her, so stop assuming you do. People post what they want you to see.
8. You are being part of the same society you claim judges too heavily on looks.
You know how you complain about society putting too much of an emphasis on women’s looks these days? You’re only helping that idea by judging this girl on her looks. If you want society to change, you have to change too.
9. You don’t even know her.
Maybe she’s not a great person, or maybe she’s awesome. She could share the same interest in literature as you or be the one person who understands what it’s like to not like The 1975. You haven’t even given her a chance -- instead you botch all possible quality features she might possess because “she’s not even that pretty.”
And finally:
10. Nothing positive comes from putting other people down.
By knocking others down, you only become another cog in the wheel of a vicious, incredibly negative cycle. You are not building yourself up. You aren’t just “telling it like it is.” You aren’t reassuring the idea that you are a better person than she is. You are just reincarnating yourself into the same mean girls in middle school who made you feel like your glasses weren’t cool. Don’t be a mean girl.
We are a generation trying to break the mold, to swim against the current. We want to better the future for us and our children. With that in mind, we should create more of a positive environment for ourselves and finally stop bashing each other based on our looks. We can acknowledge another person’s beauty and still love our own beauty. We do not have to diminish another’s beauty in attempt to further radiate ours.
Get off Instagram. Stop creeping her Facebook and trying to follow her on Twitter. The next time you roll your eyes and say, “She’s… like not even that pretty,” recognize your unhealthy habit and get off your phone.
