You know me. I’m the one that you only talk to every couple of months to check up on. I’m the one that you see near daily. I’m the friend who you’ve told your darkest secrets to, and the one who you’ve only had one talk with. I’m the friend that supports you in all of your endeavors, and the one who doesn’t care about your personal goals. I’m all of these friends and more, and it’s exhausting.

I’m simultaneously so important to so many people, and not important enough to others, and that drives me insane. It doesn’t make sense, I know. And no it’s not because I’m an introvert, or an extrovert, or an ambivert. I don’t want to be classified. I just want to lead so many different lives, and I’m stuck with one. I wish my life was like a video game: that I could just save my progress at different intervals and revisit them at will, or start a different life altogether. But I can’t.

Life exhausts me. And so many of you don’t see it. Or you do, and I don’t know what’s worse. I don’t know what I want in life. I want success, I want failure, I want life… I don’t. So much of my life are these different dualities. I need consistency and spontaneity. I need love and hate. I need a friend like me. I need twenty. I don’t.

I don’t have a real goal in writing this. Clarity maybe? I just want to shine a light on all the people like me. And all the people who aren’t. If you learn one thing from reading this, it’s to never judge a book by its cover, as cliché as it is. Always look deeper, even if it’s scary. Because you’ll never know what’s underneath.