She Didn't Say No, But She Didn't Say Yes: 28 Phrases Every Man Needs To Understand

She Didn't Say No, But She Didn't Say Yes: 28 Phrases Every Man Needs To Understand

How to listen for signs of consent.
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Sexual assault is a complex issue- but consent really isn't. It comes down to reading your partner's body language, responding to their verbal cues, paying attention to how they're feeling, asking them for their permission, and respecting their words.

Even in the smallest of ways.

When we envision sexual assault, I tend to envision a woman being pinned down in a back alley attacked by a masked man. But most of the time, that's not the case. 7 out of 10 acts of sexual violence are committed by someone you know, and more often than not, it doesn't happen in back alleys- it happens in the bedrooms at parties, on sidewalks outside our apartments, in movie theaters when you don't quite know what to say.

Even if your date isn't kicking and screaming, listen- because they still might be saying no. Consent is informed, enthusiastic, specific, and freely given. Listen to your partner. When in doubt, I'll give you some hints as to how to respect us and our bodies. Even if you think you don't need them, you might.

1. "I'm tired" means no.

2. "I have a boyfriend" means no.

3. "Maybe later" means no.

4. "Not right now" means no.

5. "I have to study" means no.

6. "We shouldn't do this" means no.

7. "I don't know how I feel about this" means no.

8. "I like you, but..." means no.

9. "Let's just go to sleep" means no.

10. "Don't touch me" means no.

11. "Please stop" means no.

12. "Stop doing that" means no.

13. "I'm not interested" means no.

14. "Get off me" means no.

15. "I'm busy" means no.

16. "I'm not sure" means no.

17. "We've been drinking" means no.

18. "You're not my type" means no.

20. "I changed my mind" means no.

21. "I'm not in the mood" means no.

22. "I don't know you" means no.

23. "I don't feel like it right now" means no.

24. Even if I say these things laughing, it means no.

24. Pulling away means no.

26. Shoving you off means no.

27. Still, unresponsiveness means no.

28. Silence means no.

In every way, in every language, no means no.

Rape is not respecting NO.

Next time you're in the heat of the moment, remember to check for signs of consent. When in doubt, silence means no.

Make sure to ask your partner how they feel. Not only is it respectful- it's sexy.

Cover Image Credit: The Zine Guide

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12 Things That Happen When Your Person Is Far Away

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The concept of having "a person" was first introduced by "Grey's Anatomy," and took off faster than I'm sure the writers expected. For a lot of us, our person is far away. Here are some things that happen when this is you and your person:

1. You will have separation anxiety right off the bat.

2. You get irrationally jealous when they post a picture with someone else.

3. You literally text each other about everything, and I mean everything.

4. You know better than to call them if you have less than an hour to talk.

5. You stalk their Instagram so you still feel like a part of their life.

6. All your school friends know who they are because you're constantly telling stories about them.

7. When you come home for breaks they're usually the first person you see.

8. They're also usually the last person you see.

9. Your Snapchat streak is abnormally high.

10. You tell them you love them more than your significant other.

11. You send an average of 400 texts to each other in one day.

12. You miss having someone you don't have to explain anything to.

To my person, I love you no matter the distance! Thanks for always being there for me.


Cover Image Credit: http://guardianlv.com/2014/05/greys-anatomy-season-finale-goodbye-dr-cristina-yang-recap/

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Thank You, To The Women Who Loved My Boyfriend Before Me

I don't know who taught you to be the way you are, but I am thankful for them.

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I am so thankful for the women who loved you. Whether they were flings or long-term relationships, I am thankful for them.

I am thankful for the girl you dated in high school who broke your heart for the first time and I am thankful for the girls you fantasized about in your college classes. These women did nothing wrong. They were new to the dating world just like you and maybe you both honestly thought it would work out in the long run, but I am so happy they didn't.

The women before me loved you.

They helped you learn how to love someone. They taught you how to express feelings and the value of being held.

They helped you through brokenness I never could've and expanded your views of the world.

All the good and bad in those relationships help you and I have the relationship we have now. I'm not saying being your partner is always easy, sometimes we argue or get on each other's nerves.

However, you come at every situation with compassion and laughter. I don't know who taught you to be the way you are, but I am thankful for them.

I'm most thankful for your mom.

I haven't met her, although one day I hope to, she created you. She raised you to be the person you are today.

You are authentic, grounded, compassionate and driven. You are the most selfless person I have met and I know you got that from watching your mother be the same way.

You have this way of being vulnerable and elegant, even when we dance like robots in the kitchen. Your joy fills our home and all I know is that if I want to be with someone, its someone like that.

Thank you, to the females who were before me, you helped form the man I adore.

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