She Didn't Say No, But She Didn't Say Yes: 28 Phrases Every Man Needs To Understand

She Didn't Say No, But She Didn't Say Yes: 28 Phrases Every Man Needs To Understand

How to listen for signs of consent.
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Sexual assault is a complex issue- but consent really isn't. It comes down to reading your partner's body language, responding to their verbal cues, paying attention to how they're feeling, asking them for their permission, and respecting their words.

Even in the smallest of ways.

When we envision sexual assault, I tend to envision a woman being pinned down in a back alley attacked by a masked man. But most of the time, that's not the case. 7 out of 10 acts of sexual violence are committed by someone you know, and more often than not, it doesn't happen in back alleys- it happens in the bedrooms at parties, on sidewalks outside our apartments, in movie theaters when you don't quite know what to say.

Even if your date isn't kicking and screaming, listen- because they still might be saying no. Consent is informed, enthusiastic, specific, and freely given. Listen to your partner. When in doubt, I'll give you some hints as to how to respect us and our bodies. Even if you think you don't need them, you might.

1. "I'm tired" means no.

2. "I have a boyfriend" means no.

3. "Maybe later" means no.

4. "Not right now" means no.

5. "I have to study" means no.

6. "We shouldn't do this" means no.

7. "I don't know how I feel about this" means no.

8. "I like you, but..." means no.

9. "Let's just go to sleep" means no.

10. "Don't touch me" means no.

11. "Please stop" means no.

12. "Stop doing that" means no.

13. "I'm not interested" means no.

14. "Get off me" means no.

15. "I'm busy" means no.

16. "I'm not sure" means no.

17. "We've been drinking" means no.

18. "You're not my type" means no.

20. "I changed my mind" means no.

21. "I'm not in the mood" means no.

22. "I don't know you" means no.

23. "I don't feel like it right now" means no.

24. Even if I say these things laughing, it means no.

24. Pulling away means no.

26. Shoving you off means no.

27. Still, unresponsiveness means no.

28. Silence means no.

In every way, in every language, no means no.

Rape is not respecting NO.

Next time you're in the heat of the moment, remember to check for signs of consent. When in doubt, silence means no.

Make sure to ask your partner how they feel. Not only is it respectful- it's sexy.

Cover Image Credit: The Zine Guide

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To Everyone Who Hasn't Had Sex Yet, Wait For Marriage, It's The Right Move

If you have not had sex yet, wait.

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Premarital sex is not a new concept, no matter how much people like to pretend it is. You can trace scripture and historical texts back thousands of year to see that lust and fornication have been a problem since… well, since we humans have been problems.

They tell you in sex ed that sex causes you to form a bond with someone. They throw some big chemical names at you that are apparently in your body and cause that emotional attachment to happen, then you move on (or back to) how important condoms are and why STDs are so scary.

As a middle schooler or teenager, you can't understand what it means to become permanently connected to someone as a result of a quick, physical act.

If you haven't even had your first kiss, you really can't imagine what it's like to develop such a complex and intimate connection with someone because you have yet to feel the butterflies in your stomach from a kiss. So you really don't know what it's like to have a whole different type of feeling in your stomach.

You never forget your first love. It's one of the most cliche things you consistently hear, but it's true. Ask anyone. I guarantee your parents can still spurt out their first love's name in a few seconds. And most people never forget their first time. I know all my friends can recount that often awkward and slightly terrifying moment as if it happened an hour ago. When you mix those two, especially if you are in your teens, oh boy.

You never forget that. No matter how hard you try.

Everything you hear about sex is true: it's amazing, fantastic, life-changing, etc. There's a reason people have done it as frequently as they do, for as long as they have. But every time you sleep with someone, you leave a piece of yourself with them. Every time you choose to take that final physical step with someone, you cannot go back and collect that piece of your dignity and soul that you left with someone.

So, imagine what happens when you break up with someone you've slept with. Or that you just hooked up with. You have given someone a little slice of yourself forever. And you can never get it back. And imagine what happens when you do that multiple times. You give a piece of yourself to five, 10, 15, 20 or more people. Then you meet the person that you want to spend forever with. And you no longer have that whole part of you. You've given pieces away, and you can no longer give those to the love of your life.

So, save those pieces for your future spouse.

If you have not had sex yet, wait. If you have, consider not giving more pieces of yourself away to people who are not your spouse. Sex was created to be between two spouses, nobody else. So we need to try to maintain its integrity.

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Poetry On Odyssey: Naughty Or Nice

Santa tell me

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views

Santa tell me

Because I've been wondering

If I open up

And by open up

I don't mean a package

Or a bottle of wine

I mean, my heart

It's perfect

Sometimes it's tainted with guilt

But it's kind

It's scared

But still kind

And it's looking for hope

For change

A chance to make a difference

A brighter world for you, Santa

To make everyday feel like Christmas

And yet I still wonder, day after day

Am I being naughty?

I really hope I'm being nice

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