My Sexuality Is Not Your Porn

My Sexuality Is Not Your Porn

Sorry (not sorry)
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To men who think my sexuality is an opportunity to exert dominance over me,

Take five steps back, take a nap, and have a drink of water. I was not built for you.

When my palm is pressed in the hand of another woman, it is not an art exhibit for staring. My relationship is not meant to be photographed-especially with flash. You may ruin the artwork.

I'm not sure if your intention is to use your misogyny and blatant disregard for my sexual orientation to somehow make me interested in men, but it's not working. In fact, it makes me want to cut out your tongue.

My lips on the lips of my partner is not a billboard for the Democratic party or an open invitation for your opinion. I am not a Tinder profile begging for a man to complete my ultimate fantasy. I do not need your approval or your policing. You are not meant to complete me. I am complete. So please keep walking.

Being an openly gay woman, it is not uncommon for me to be heckled on street corners while I hold my partner's hand. Oftentimes, the catcalling consists of the blatant "LESBIANS!" screamed as we walk by. How profound. Man-can-identify-homosexual-relationship? (read in caveman voice)

However, sometimes the commentary takes the shape of inappropriate gazes, mouth licking, and sexual comments. It is almost as if I can see last night's porno replaying in the head of the oppressor. It is in those moments that I feel discomfort in my sexuality- the open expression of my love. Of course, political-activist-feminist-superhero me immediately reminds myself that this behavior is an example of misogyny and the grotesque double standard of homosexual relationships. The shame and discomfort quickly vanishes but the memory does not. The street corner becomes the spot that we discuss in conversation "remember when the guy who looked like kevin federline told us he was into lesbians?"

Queer people deal with a lot of garbage. Perhaps garbage is too light of a word. Fiery garbage. Better? Literal garbage on fire. Burning us. Oppressing us. We face discrimination, hate crimes, and injustice everyday. However, I've come to realize that there is something just as evil and far less discussed: the male gaze. The ludicrous idea that men have the right to comment on or question my sexual orientation.

I am not your school science project. You cannot change my chemistry with your hyper-masculinity. I am not built to be fixed, altered, or cut open. Is it too much to ask to simply exist?

Newsflash: Questions like "do you scissor?", "who is the man in the relationship?" and "can I join?" are not only extremely sexist, but also discriminatory. Would you prefer I inject myself into your heterosexual romance? Question your identity or ask who fits into gender roles within the relationship? I didn't think so.

I don't refer to myself as a lesbian. Instead, I choose to identify as a gay woman. I know that these two things are synonymous, but the word lesbian seems to incite an over-sexualization and pornographic stereotype that I do not wish to associate with. I know I should just own the word and care less. Welcome to my life of cognitive dissonance. (If any other gay gals have ever felt this, let me know.)

So men, next time you see me on the street, be afraid. If you want to stare, remember that I'm Medusa as hell. Turn to stone, misogynist. If my hand is in the hand of another woman, remember that curled fingers also make fists. Remember that my tongue is sharp and love is not my weakness. My sexuality is not your pornography. I am not a crack meant to be paved by your over-compensation. If you're going to say anything, let oppression not roll off your tongue.

In fact, it would be better if you just let me walk.

Cover Image Credit: WND

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Christian Boys Vs. Godly Men

It is time to stop settling for the lesser of the two.
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Ladies, there is a huge difference between a Christian boy and a Godly man; therefore, it is time to stop settling for the lesser of the two.

So many times I hear girls saying:

“Well, he’s a Christian.”

“He goes to church with me.”

“He listens to Christian music.”

“He went to church camp.”

“He has a favorite bible verse.”

SEE ALSO: What An Attractive Man Looks Like

Well, all of those things are just peachy and there is nothing wrong with doing those things. I mean, they’re all good things to do. But how is his personal relationship with God? How is his prayer life? Does he talk about his relationship with God, with you? Is he truly a follower of the one true God in all aspects of his life? These are some of the characteristics you should be looking for that makes a Godly man.

Ladies, a man will love you great when he loves God greater.

A Godly man will pursue an honest relationship with you. He will be clear of his intentions. A Godly man will worship, pray and passionately praise God with you. Whereas, a Christian boy might open the door for you, a Godly man will open his bible and explore God’s word with you so that you both may grow spiritually, together. While a Christian boy may put on an outward show, a Godly man will live out the love of Jesus daily.

So ladies, are you catching on to this ongoing trend? A Godly man does more because you deserve more.

A Godly man will be a leader. Trust me, I know that in today’s society Godly men are few and far between while Christian boys come in plenty. But you deserve a man who is after God’s heart not just a boy who goes to church. And I know that this Christian boy may seem great and have some really stellar qualities at the time but money and looks fade, whereas, an ongoing love for our savior will not.

The greatest thing a man can do for a woman is to lead her closer to God than himself. (Yes, yes, yes).

SEE ALSO: As Christians, Life Isn't Supposed To Be Hard

So I beg of you, do not settle. Do not settle just because you’re tired of being single, it’s convenient or because you want the relationship your friend has. Single does not equal available and a relationship status does not define you. God uses your season of singleness to prepare you for what is to come. And if you’re dating a Christian boy, he needs to step it up or you need to move on. Wait for a Godly man who is ready to lead you. God’s timing is always better, always. No matter the circumstance. So, do not rush God. (I mean, He is, after all, pretty good at His job). Therefore, turn your full focus to Him and He will direct your path.

“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6:33

Cover Image Credit: Christina Sharp

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A Florida House Committee Is Undermining Your Vote On Amendment 4

Before felons can regain their right to vote, they must pay court fines, fees, and take care of any other "financial obligations." Essentially, this is a poll tax.

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Amendment 4, also known as the Voting Rights Restoration for Felons Initiative, was added to the Constitution of Florida after being passed this last midterm election on November 6, 2018.

Amendment 4 restored the voting rights of Floridians with prior felony convictions after all terms of their sentence have been met, including parole and probation. This amendment only applies to felons who have not been convicted of murder or sexual offenses.

On January 8, 2019, an estimated 1.4 million ex-felons regained their right to vote. This is monumental. Prior to this amendment, Florida was one of four states that used felony disenfranchisement. Amendment 4 gives voice, and rightfully so, to felons who have served their time. Amendment 4 is also putting to rest, finally, years and years of disenfranchisement and suppression.

Now, only two months after its passage, the House Criminal Justice Committee is trying to water down this piece of legislation. This is a direct violation of the will of the 64% of Floridians who voted for the legislation as is. This amendment was not to be "clarified," as Governor DeSantis put it, but rather to be self-implementing.

However, the House Criminal Justice Committee proposed a bill that would tack on some extra qualifiers in order for felons to be enfranchised. The bill will require court fines, fees, and other "financial obligations" (in addition to fees administered in a judge's sentence) to be paid in full before a felon's voting rights are restored. This seems awfully similar to a poll tax to me. Obviously, this is going to affect people without a lot of resources rather than white-collar criminals who can afford a $500,000 bond.

This new qualifier will prevent felons from voting based on the money that can be coughed up as if they don't have to worry about their finances long after they leave prison.

Some may argue that these felons shouldn't have committed a crime in the first place. However, I would argue that holding a felon's vote hostage on the basis of money is unconstitutional.

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