My Sexuality Is Not Your Porn

My Sexuality Is Not Your Porn

Sorry (not sorry)

To men who think my sexuality is an opportunity to exert dominance over me,

Take five steps back, take a nap, and have a drink of water. I was not built for you.

When my palm is pressed in the hand of another woman, it is not an art exhibit for staring. My relationship is not meant to be photographed-especially with flash. You may ruin the artwork.

I'm not sure if your intention is to use your misogyny and blatant disregard for my sexual orientation to somehow make me interested in men, but it's not working. In fact, it makes me want to cut out your tongue.

My lips on the lips of my partner is not a billboard for the Democratic party or an open invitation for your opinion. I am not a Tinder profile begging for a man to complete my ultimate fantasy. I do not need your approval or your policing. You are not meant to complete me. I am complete. So please keep walking.

Being an openly gay woman, it is not uncommon for me to be heckled on street corners while I hold my partner's hand. Oftentimes, the catcalling consists of the blatant "LESBIANS!" screamed as we walk by. How profound. Man-can-identify-homosexual-relationship? (read in caveman voice)

However, sometimes the commentary takes the shape of inappropriate gazes, mouth licking, and sexual comments. It is almost as if I can see last night's porno replaying in the head of the oppressor. It is in those moments that I feel discomfort in my sexuality- the open expression of my love. Of course, political-activist-feminist-superhero me immediately reminds myself that this behavior is an example of misogyny and the grotesque double standard of homosexual relationships. The shame and discomfort quickly vanishes but the memory does not. The street corner becomes the spot that we discuss in conversation "remember when the guy who looked like kevin federline told us he was into lesbians?"

Queer people deal with a lot of garbage. Perhaps garbage is too light of a word. Fiery garbage. Better? Literal garbage on fire. Burning us. Oppressing us. We face discrimination, hate crimes, and injustice everyday. However, I've come to realize that there is something just as evil and far less discussed: the male gaze. The ludicrous idea that men have the right to comment on or question my sexual orientation.

I am not your school science project. You cannot change my chemistry with your hyper-masculinity. I am not built to be fixed, altered, or cut open. Is it too much to ask to simply exist?

Newsflash: Questions like "do you scissor?", "who is the man in the relationship?" and "can I join?" are not only extremely sexist, but also discriminatory. Would you prefer I inject myself into your heterosexual romance? Question your identity or ask who fits into gender roles within the relationship? I didn't think so.

I don't refer to myself as a lesbian. Instead, I choose to identify as a gay woman. I know that these two things are synonymous, but the word lesbian seems to incite an over-sexualization and pornographic stereotype that I do not wish to associate with. I know I should just own the word and care less. Welcome to my life of cognitive dissonance. (If any other gay gals have ever felt this, let me know.)

So men, next time you see me on the street, be afraid. If you want to stare, remember that I'm Medusa as hell. Turn to stone, misogynist. If my hand is in the hand of another woman, remember that curled fingers also make fists. Remember that my tongue is sharp and love is not my weakness. My sexuality is not your pornography. I am not a crack meant to be paved by your over-compensation. If you're going to say anything, let oppression not roll off your tongue.

In fact, it would be better if you just let me walk.

Cover Image Credit: WND

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He Changed Everything.

My soul is richer & my heart is fuller 

Sept 2013 I found myself writing to an evangelist Jennifer Beckham looking for more, looking for answers cause at the time I was in a dark place, and stuck no matter what I did. She wrote back! I cried as I read her respond. She sent me scriptures of who god is and what he wants for us. God says we are more than conquers and endurance develops strength and character. She encouraged me that I was on the right track. Not to give up and she would be praying for me. I saw Jennifer Beckham at a conference that year. I don't remember what she specifically talked about but I remember the feeling. The feeling of wanting to burst out crying, I could feel my eyes being filled with tears, and my heart racing but I wouldn't let out the tears. My pride was too big. I wanted to be strong so I did my best to hold it all in, and I did. At this conference they offered the audience who wanted to go up for prayer and dedicate their life to Jesus Christ. Surprisingly I went up, but I went up with other people that were seeking out salvation. I wasn’t sure if I was going up to support the other people or if it was truly for me. I was confused, even though I said the prayer. I became more confused as the days went on and I wasn't feeling a difference in my life. Nothing was changing. I started reading the bible and many books, listening to sermons, and surrounding myself with positive people. I gave my life to Jesus, but I didn't feel like I was set FREE! I continued feeling empty, lost, broken, guilty, and hurt from the past. There were so many days where I just wanted to give up. Almost felt pointless to fight for my life. At this point in my life I didn't know God very much, but I had just a little bit of faith. My faith was a big as a mustard seed and God took care of the rest. Day by day, year by year I started noticing my life changing. I noticed I was changing. I started feeling happy with who I was and where I was in life. I no longer questioned God about the things that happened to me. In my heart I was ok with the wounds, the hardships, and trials from the past because I now understood those wounds and trials. I realized I was SET FREE! not perfect but set free. I started understanding who I was as a child of our heavenly father. Now it’s Jan 2018 and I’m in awe of who I am and where I am in life, all because of Jesus. His so faithful! I think of the favor, the grace, his mercy, his love, his joy and blessing that he gives me even when I’m undeserving of it, it’s overwhelming. He has never left me nor forsake me. I can say Jesus you changed everything and my heart so forever thankful. 

Today, I encourage you like Jennifer Beckham encouraged me. Keep going and don't give up. No matter what your past looks like believe in your heart that you were created for greatness. Don't let your past determine your future, be the change you want in your life. You have it in you. There is so much more to life, don't miss out on it. It's time to take back your happiness, love, joy, freedom and so much more. It's time to take back EVERYTHING the enemy has taken from you. God has made you an overcomer. I speak it right now, that you will be victorious in 2018 and the years to come. Remember, God loves you! 

Psalm 136:26 (AMP) O give thanks to the God of heaven, for his mercy and loving-kindness endures forever!

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Oprah Winfrey Running For President?

Golden Globe speech sparking some ideas.

As of Sunday, January 7, 2018, Oprah Winfrey made a few remarks during her Golden Globe speech, hinting to her possibly running for president in 2020. Later, two of her friends, who wish to remain anonymous confirm this speculation. One of the friends said that this idea has been looming for months now but that Winfrey did not come to a conscience yet.

The main point of Winfrey's speech at the Golden Globes was the #MeToo movement. She also made a statement of, "A new day is on the horizon", which many liberal celebrities and viewers heard as a possible campaign cry.

At the moment, there is no serious talk right now about her running for president, but some of her fans have voiced their opinions through Twitter and Facebook after she had her speech. Along with her fans, her long time partner, Stedman Graham also mentioned that her running for president was a possibility

However what Winfrey does not have is political experience. When she needs political advice she looks to the Obamas and she fully endorsed Hillary Clinton. We may have our next Democratic candidate for the 2020 election. Although the race for president does not start until after the 2018 midterms, many candidates are getting a head start. Maybe this is her making her first move. What do you think? Will America choose another TV star as our president?

Cover Image Credit: Wikimedia

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