Death is an encounter that turns us inside out. Sometimes it is expected, other times it takes us completely by surprise. There is no right time for death; it occurs when the universe is ready to exchange another soul for sorrow. The hardest part about it may be that nothing is clear cut. The truth is that loss is a journey. It is a rollercoaster of emotions. It is a trek to a mountain top only to find no wise being inhabiting the peak when all you are seeking are answers. It is uncertainty and instability. It is a process, with no particular order. Grieving a loss is difficult in itself, and for those who wish to avoid feelings, it can be even more unbearable. For these people, a humorous approach to the stages of grief might have a powerful impact. This is for the reluctant griever, who could use a chuckle.
1. Shock
2. Denial
Denial is a stage of grief in which the bereaved suppress their emotions. There are some people who would rather falsely claim “I’m fine” than discuss their true feelings. Perhaps they are afraid to confront them. Maybe they are afraid no one will listen. Whatever the reason, it is OK to be hesitant to talk. Opening up can be scary, so there needs to be a safe environment to confide in. Do not force someone to talk if they are not ready, as it can put them in an extremely uncomfortable position. If you need time, take it, but remember, you are not alone.
3. Bargaining
When people experience the bargaining stage, they are attempting
to strike a deal. This could mean talking turkey with God, or even with their
loved one. What they want is to reverse the situation. The person who is grieving
wants their loved one back. Maybe they ask for a few more moments with them.
Maybe they ask for their lifetime with them. Maybe they offer themselves
instead. However they phrase it, they just want the situation to change so
their grief can end.
4. Guilt
Grievers can experience an immense amount of guilt. It could be related to something that happened prior to a loss, how the loss occurred or for any reason at all. If they could, they would gladly turn back time and right their perceived wrongs. Feeling guilty, whether believing something is your fault or carrying the burden of regret, can be one of the most intense emotions of the grieving process. Remember, it is acceptable to need time and space, but there are always people who support you.
5. Anger
When grieving, people can become angry. The anger can be directed in a number of different ways. They may be mad at themselves. They can be furious at the person who died. They can even be enraged at someone else. Discovering the source is helpful to the grieving process. If the person understands who the anger is directed at, then they can examine the why.
6. Depression
7. Acceptance
Acceptance does not mean happiness. Acceptance means that the griever knows that life will continue. It means recognizing that life is different, but that it is survivable. Getting here is not easy, it can take a lot of time to reach this point. And sometimes, even after it has been reached, there is regression and person who is grieving cannot accept the loss. Be patient and kind to yourself. You cannot rush healing. You are allowed to struggle and come to terms at your own pace.
While not everyone who deals with loss experiences all of these stages, it is important to acknowledge that these are real feelings. Having these emotions is OK, even if you don’t like feelings.
