The warmth of the southern sun held such irony. How is it that malicious words could come across my mind in such a beautiful place? I sat on the ocean's shore of Myrtle Beach, my home for the past three years, earphones in like usual. Tears streamed down my cheeks, creating a patch of wet sand below. In high school, I had dedicated myself to helping my family get through the brutality of my parents' never-ending divorce. I had sacrificed those years, neglecting school work, activities, and relationships. I had to work harder than most to get into college and I was persistent to make something of myself while being here. This August, I’ll be a senior in college. The beginning of the end is near; what if I can’t succeed? What if the real world eats me up and swallows me whole? Everything I have overcome- it clearly wasn't enough for me. A lump formed in my throat. I swallowed hard. My chest felt hollow. I held my breath, tasting salt from the tears gathering on my upper lip. Before I could exhale, I found myself running here to escape, focused on the waves of the sea for solace.
Alone, I sat, contemplating my next move. Adulthood is so close, it scares me. Could I really do this? What if I fail? I took a deep breath, sucking up the salty air and the goodness of this beautiful place and as I exhaled, Bob Marley came on my Spotify.
“Don’t worry… about a thing, cause every little thing… is gonna be alright”
I needed that reminder. I needed to remember what I have already accomplished. I survived more than most kids, even those of divorce. While in high school, it became my "job" to help my family. I pushed myself and got into college; I was able to go away to school and grow up in a way that changed me forever. The independence, the hard work, the ups and the downs – it has all changed me. Very little thought I could do it, but I did. What may have been looked at as a sign of weakness, due to lack of apparent success, should have been looked at as a sign of strength. Strength is what it takes to put the needs of others in front of your own, to overcome the hardships and to continue to move forward. I was successful and I would continue to prove it.
Standing up, I brushed the sand off my shorts and faced the dunes. I felt my lips curl as I began to genuinely smile. Just like that, all the worry faded. I am proud of myself and the accomplishments I have made so far. Like the ocean, my life was unpredictable. Its waves can cause much destruction, but more importantly, the ocean brings us to new horizons. It gives hope. It is a constant, always there keeping me afloat, but I am the one who decides where to sail on it. I am in charge of the direction my life goes. My life - it is just beginning. I know my best is yet to come; I have endured more than most and for this, I am stronger, wiser, more mature, and battle tested. My insecurities won’t hold me back anymore; I am ready for my future and I won’t give up until I am where I want to be.
Senior year, bring it on.
